Chapter 4

Theres lots of strong language and lemons in my story, please dont read if you are easily offended!

I do not own anything, all things Twilight belong to Stephenie Myers.


Chapter 4
Your Move!

I didn’t go to school for the next 2 days. I was too busy wallowing in my own filth and misery. By the evening of the 3rd night since my discharge from hospital I had almost cried myself out. I hadn’t cried because I was some stupid idiot girl who needed someone to tell me what to do, I cried because I missed my friends and I needed them to know I was ok, and I needed to know that they were all ok as well. The more I tried to figure out what I should do the more confused I became and the more I felt hopeless. I had a strong feeling that as in a book I needed to go from beginning to end. I was so impatient but I realized things couldn’t be rushed.

I ran a bath and submerged myself totally allowing the near furnace like temperature to wash away any residue of hopelessness that was still lingering.
I dried my hair and got dressed. I even put on some mascara and some lippy. I sprayed on my favourite perfume and grabbed my bag as I walked out the door and went over to the bar in the main area of the Lodge.
I grabbed a seat at the end of the bar and ordered a beer. There was what looked like a band setting up on the stage area and I sharp pang of loneliness hit me across the face. Even Toby rubbing his crotch up and down my thigh would be better than forced to sit in a bar on my own like some sad saddo! I decided to stay for an hour and then I would return to my room, I just needed to be around people. After the first 20 minutes I had had enough, I was drawing some unwanted attention so I called it a day. I waved bye to the chap behind the bar and grabbed my bag and headed out to my room. It was very bright outside as nearly a full moon was visible through the minimal clouds. I looked towards the cliff top steps where I had fallen and wandered over to take a look. I could see the steps almost to the bottom because of the brightness of the moon. My eyes scanned the beach, hearing the waves crashing against the shore and the partly submerged rocks.

I saw the huge Wolf only by chance. It had run out onto the beach, but then drastically changes direction so that it was hugging close to the cliff wall. I couldn’t tell what colour it was but it was the size of a horse, and it ran almost soundlessly along the sand. The big ears were turning in every direction like duel radars and its tongue lolled out the side of its smiling mouth. I resisted the urge to call out and with a final glance back, I walked to my room.

I had only just closed the door behind me when there came a light tap on it.
I looked through the peep hole, smiled and opened the door to Jacob.

“Hi Jacob.” I said looking at his unusual night time attire. “Nice to see you dressed up for me!” I said sarcastically, noting the jeans that were the only thing he wore.
He ran an appreciative eye over me
“Yeah, and looks like you did the same for me!”
“There’s nothing wrong with the rock chick look!” I stated as I flung my biker boots off.
“You won’t hear any arguments from me!” He said suggestively.

“Anyway, what’s up? What are you doing here? Is this a social visit or are you on a mission for the Chief?”

Jacob looked slightly embarrassed, so I guessed that Charlie’s mission was the correct assumption. “He just wanted me to check in on you as you hadn’t been at school.”

‘Wow, he was a good detective!’

“Tell him I’m fine. I am going back tomorrow.” Jacob nodded his agreement.
“Was there anything else?” I asked him as he seemed to be thinking of a way to say something.
“Look, don’t let Charlie know I told you this but, just be careful, you shouldn’t go wandering around. Especially at night on your own. There have been these ….” He seemed to be choosing his words carefully. “…Attacks, animal attacks……if you need me or need to go anywhere, you can always call me.” Jacob looked genuinely worried.

“Thanks Jacob, but I really can handle myself; you and the Chief don’t need to worry about me. I’m not scared of some big Dog or Big overgrown teddy bear.”

’Shit! Way to go at keeping your big dumb mouth shut Kenze!’

Jacobs’s eyes flew to meet mine. “Why did you say that?”

I floundered, “I think I heard someone telling one of the other guests who was planning on going hiking. That there had possibly been a bear or rogue dog attack. Those Rottweiler’s get pretty huge you know. ” I stated unconvincingly.
“Oh, ok.” He didn’t look too sure but he let the matter drop.

‘Yes I am the think on your feet queen.’

I hastily changed the subject to one that I knew was going to interest Jacob. Bella!

“So how come you know Bella?”

“We’ve known each other since we were kids, Charlie thought she was coming here to stay for a while, but she changed her mind suddenly and announced that she was taking off to England and that you were coming in her place.”

“When did she tell you all this?” I asked curious now to know what Bella had known that I hadn’t.
“Well she kept it quiet from Charlie else he would have kicked up, so I gather that she organized everything and then on the day she just went and left a note.” Jacob snickered to himself. “Geez Charlie went ape!”

Well that was interesting but didn’t really help my current situation. My best hope was actually getting to talk to Bella herself. Because of me and my fall through the rabbit hole, Bella and Edward hadn’t met yet, and as drawn to Edward as I was I knew I couldn’t stay here. I had to know if there was a way for me to get back and for Bella to get back here where she belonged.
I kicked Jacob out soon after and said I would see him at some point. He nodded and waved and walked out, brushing off my offer of a jumper, into the clear cold night.

As I pulled up to school the next day, I had a lot on my mind. Firstly I didn’t want to stay at the Lodge for more than the 4 weeks, I would need to find some alternative lodgings. Something a little more homely. Secondly it didn’t seem to matter what I spent here my bank account always stayed the same! And finally for the moment I had to hand back Bella’s truck, I didn’t feel right running around in it. I wondered if Bella was off bombing about London in my Union Jack Mini. For a second I clenched my teeth then berated myself for being such greeneyedmonster-delusionhead!
I went through the morning classes, none of it was particularly taxing. I was one of those annoyingly lucky people that seemed to retain facts and did well at tests with out actually having to try too hard.

‘If I’d studied I would have been a proper no shit Sherlock genius!’

I wondered into the cafeteria and spotted Eric. I made a beeline for him and his face brightened when I sat down next to him. He soon looked less happy when I asked if I could borrow his laptop as I needed to do a bit of research. He grudgingly handed over his beloved machine and I moved off to a quiet table.

I ran some general searches and went on the BBC news website but nothing seemed out of the ordinary. The recession, war, births, deaths and marriages. The world was still turning and didn’t look like it missed me!
I looked up from the screen and saw 5 pairs of golden eyes looking at me suspiciously. I looked back to the computer screen hastily, making sure I didn’t look at Edward at all and pretended to myself that I was far too engrossed in what I was doing to pay more than a fleeting notice of the Cullen Club.
I had started to refer to their little tribe in this manner as this is how they portrayed themselves to the rest of the pupils. They were the coolest club in school and no one else was allowed access.
I returned Eric’s laptop and grabbing an apple I walked out the dining room. This afternoon I had Biology again but I wanted to check something out in the library before I went to class. I glanced at my map confirming where it was and went straight to the popular culture section. The book I had been searching for wasn’t there. I then went to the librarian and asked if they had any books by Stephenie Meyers.
“Who dear?” the librarian asked
“Never mind, I think I must have made a mistake.”
I walked out my suspicions confirmed. The bell rang and I had to run to not be late.
As I walked into class Edward was sat at the desk already. I smiled to everyone around me and ignored him. The look of disgust in his eyes last time we had been together still too raw for me to handle.

‘Childish, I know. But let’s face it, I was having a shit week!’

“So, how are you?” He asked after a few minutes. I kept my head down not wanting to look at that devastating face.
“I’m feeling much better, thanks.” I was paying extreme attention to the back of the head of the person in front of me.
“I see! So how are you liking the weather?”

‘Are you kidding me? He did actually ask about the weather’

“Erm, it’s just like being at home!” I risked a quick glance at him.

‘Bugger!’


Edward was still looking at me. This time his eyes were no longer black but they were that rich Ochre, amber golden tone, which no one had come up with a suitable name for yet.
Not liking that he always seemed to have the upper hand I mentally slapped myself around a bit and told myself to behave like an adult. I was older than him after all, he was what? Late teens?

‘OK, so technically he nearly had a century on me, I wasn’t going to loose sleep over it!’

Mr. Banner brought round the slides and Edward offered for me to go first. We identified the slides quickly and Edward was staring at me with that same puzzled look.
“You don’t act like the normal kids here.” He blurted out.


‘And there was me worried that I said things as I thought them!’

I laughed, “Thanks for that, I’ll try to be a bit more normal in the future!”
Edward looked up, checking if I was upset really.
“Relax. It’s fine.”

Edward asked me some more questions, all of them about where I was from what I liked why I had come here. I had to pay particular care of what I was saying, I told him only the bits I was able and he knew it and I could tell it was frustrating him.

“So both you and your best friend came out on the exchange?” Edward asked.

“Yeah, but Ruby had an emergency to attend to!” I replied as casually as I could.

“So where’s your friend Ruby now?” he asked all earnest.


“At home safe and well.” I said in the hope that it was true.


Whether Edward picked up that talking about Ruby made me uncomfortable, I don’t know. He did move onto lighter subject matter after that.

“Wow does every exchange student get the 5o q inquisition?” I asked with a half smile.


He hit me with a full on Dazzle Offensive.


“Only those that interest me and aren’t telling the full story!” he fired back. The look of amused frustration and interest evident in his golden gaze.

I batted my eyelashes at him and grinned cheekily; he seemed slightly perturbed and couldn’t seem to keep his eyes from resting on my lips,

“Speaking of which, I gather you were out of town yesterday!” I didn’t make it a question, just a simple statement of fact. 2 could play at this game. His eyes shot from my mouth to my own eyes trying to see some meaning behind my words. His brow furrowed and my fingers twitched to reach out and smooth away the wrinkle that his consternation was leaving there. His hands were clenched in tight balls, and I suspected that the table would be a little worse for wear when Edward removed them.
Buoyed up by my little victory I edged my chair as close to his as I could. I was gambling hugely but the not being in control of anything in my life, made me reckless!
A look of terror came over his face, as I pushed my chest against him making sure my nipples made contact with the grey t-shirt he was wearing and the contoured lines of his chest and I placed a leg either side of his, making sure our thighs touched.
I was intrigued that though I knew he didn’t actually need to breath, the pace of his breathing quickened. I heard little splintering sounds coming from underneath Edwards’s clenched fists, but he didn’t pull away from me. I reached out and placed my warm hand over his cool one. I leant into him as far as I could, letting my nose almost nuzzle into the bronze hair and whispered in his ear for only him to hear. “Im not the only one who isn’t telling the full story and we both know it!” I moved as swiftly as I could, grabbing my bag, and left the room with a look of victory on my face. So now I knew he wasn’t impervious to me, I did hold some sort of attraction for him, what I wasn’t sure if it was in a meal or a show type of way, was he attracted to me because I was the meal or because I was the after dinner entertainment! But at least I had got some sort of reaction!
I was half way down the hall when the bell notifying the end of lessons rang!

‘Shit! Note to self, don’t wallow in your little victories Kenze you will end up doing something stupid!’

I toyed with the idea of going back to class and making some excuse about throwing up or something as my reason for my early departure of the lesson. But I didn’t want to spoil the fraction of a headway I had got with Edward, by doing so. In the end I accepted that I was probably on course for a detention, and wondered if diplomatic immunity was covered by the student exchange program!

The next few weeks passed in a blur, I was actually starting to think like a teen again. I was hoping that I wouldn’t break out in acne and take to climbing out my bedroom window at all hours of the night!

‘Another story for another night!’


My days were spent in classes learning stuff I had learnt years before, and researching for any hints as to what was going on in my own real non-delusionhead world. That and looking for a more permanent place to stay. I walked around the school not paying much attention to what was going on other than the little band of friends I had gravitated to and who had been pulled to me like orbiting satellites. I on the other hand orbited like the moon around the family that were like the sun to me. I tried to spend a day without looking for them or needing to know exactly where they were. I failed.
Edward had avoided me since our last little run in, which suited me really. I was more able to concentrate when he wasn’t around. A particularly cold morning made me run back into the room and grab an extra jumper before starting the dawn chorus roar of Bella’s truck.
I drove to school taking a bit more care than I usually did. The wheels of the heavy truck swung out dangerously as I hit a patch of ice. I managed to straighten up and made the rest of the journey with out incident.

We were off on some field trip today and I was contemplating ditching and escaping and making intimate friends with my man Jack! But the thought of a JD hangover didn’t sound as fun as it used to.
So I got out the truck cab into the extreme cold of the Forks morning. Turning round I came face to face with Mike Newton. This boy was getting right up my nose; he would rub his hands on me and try to thrust his ever present semi erection at me like some pointer stick lecturers used when ever I was with in groping distance. So seeing him there stood before me trying to do his best James Bond international playboy impression was not welcomed.
I didn’t say anything to him just looked at him. Behind him across the parking lot I saw, Jasper and Alice and Edward walk across the lot. As Edward saw me he stopped, looking over at us.
“So what’s on your mind Mike? “ I asked the Daniel Craig wannabe. He swallowed trying to find the right words.
“It’s the Girls Choice Dance coming up soon, and I was wondering if you wanted to ask me to go with you?” The rhythm of his speech had picked up pace with each word he said. I imagined much like his heart rate.
“That’s really sweet but I thought Girls Choice meant the girl gets to ask? is that right? Or have I gone and got it wrong again?” I giggled as I spoke in the most brainless vapid voice I could muster without vomiting up all over him.
Mike shuffled his feet. “Well yeah, kind of, but I didn’t want you to feel left out, you know with out a date!”

‘I was being offered a mercy date?’

I saw Edward burst out laughing.

“Tempting, but I have other plans, I’m sorry.” I said, no hint of apology in my voice. Edwards laughter had ceased also and I flicked my eyes past Mike to see him stood with his head cocked to one side like he was listening to something.
I looked back to Mike, “It’s a shame really, I love to dance, gives you the opportunity to get up close and personal!” I shot another look over Mikes shoulder. Edward was looking suitably sour.
Mike’s face looked eager and he shuffled a little closer to me. I started to walk across the parking lot backwards “And just so you know, I wouldn’t be without a date,” I turned slightly toward the trio of Cullen’s still stood in the middle of the car park “Edwards taking me out that day!” I looked straight into Edwards’s eyes and winked. Alice let out a spitting half choking snort; Jasper raised his eyebrows, both of them looking at the total look of shock on Edwards face. Alice hadn’t seen that one coming!
Turning back towards Mike again. “One other thing Mike, please stop trying to dry hump me every time you walk past me like some horny little terrier dog! You know what happens to the nasty rampant canines if they don’t?” Mike shook his head dumbly. “They get castrated!!”
With one last wink to Edward I skipped to the bus. Edwards musical laugh ringing in my ears.


I walked into the cafeteria a little unsure how I would be greeted. Mike looked a bit sheepish and turned away from my gaze but Angela and the others made a space for me to sit. I did my usual scan of the room, reassuring myself of their presence but found Edward missing. Alice was speaking and Rosalie and Emmett looked up at me, Rosalie’s expression guarded, Emmett’s delighted! Angela and Jessica were planning a shopping trip into Port Angeles, a little stab of sadness went through me as I thought about mine and Ruby’s retail therapy. Still stuck with dark thoughts Jessica’s asked if I wanted to go with them to help them choose dresses for the dance. I agreed and thanked them for asking me. Maybe it was what I needed and plus I remembered that there had been a bookstore in the town that was worth a visit.
When I got back to the Lodge I showered and changed and waited for Angela and Jessica to arrive. They arrived on time and we set off. It was nice to go and do something as totally mindless as shopping after the few weeks of stress and worry. We all chatted happily on the journey, even Jessica was lighthearted and friendly after Mike had accepted to go to the dance with her. I didn’t tell her that he had asked me already! I didn’t think that would help Anglo-American relations!
Angela was as quietly poised as she always was and didn’t say anything other than she had asked Ben. I was happy for her because she had such a huge heart and I knew that Ben totally adored her, which made him alright in my book.

Port Angeles still held that bit of charm for me and the few references to twilight that had been visible on my last visit, were of course no where to be seen. We went to most of the same stores, but I didn’t recognize one shop assistant and they didn’t show any flickers of recognition to me either.
Both the girls tried on some beautiful dresses and even I was persuaded to try on a full length gown. I had never worn anything like it before. We were near where Angela had told me the book store was so I told the girls I would meet them a bit later. Making sure we had each others cell numbers I went off on my own.
The book shop was amazing, it had so many unique and rare books it smelt old and learn’ed somehow and made you want to whisper. I asked the cheery lady behind the counter if she had heard of an author called Stephenie Myers she shook her head but said she would keep her eye open for any of her work if I recommended her. I told her that she was an excellent writer and her worlds that she wrote about drew you in

. I wasn’t sure how long I sat reading and looking at different books. The woman didn’t seem in any kind of hurry to shut up shop and she seemed more than happy for me to sit in the middle of an aisle reading Jane Ayre. After a time I looked up and noticed that it had gotten dark, it was twilight I thought to myself. I purchased the book along with a couple others and left, saying my thanks as I closed the door. I was looking around trying to see where I needed to go and realized that I was on the wrong side of the town. I set off at a brisk pace my stomach only now making growling noises. I cut behind the boutique I had left the two girls in earlier and stopped dead. There were 5 men and a girl sat and stood in a shop’s back doorway drinking and for a second I felt a twinge of alarm. I ignored the feeling and carried on walking. As I drew level with them, 3 of the men moved forward taking up most of the walkway. I didn’t slow my pace, I just veered off around them. I made sure I didn’t make eye contact and carried on walking. I could hear their laughter and the suggestive remarks all of which didn’t really bother me. I could see the rooftop of the building I was heading for and relaxed slightly. I turned the last corner and found myself In another more run down side street. I turned thinking I had taken a wrong turn or missed one and I saw the 3 men who had been in the doorway before. They quickly circled me and the biggest and drunkest of the trio spoke, his breath smelling of stale beer, cigarettes and an unwashed body!
“Hey pretty lady, where are you off to in such a hurry?”
I eyed him carefully before I answered. “I’m off to meet my friends.” I said as casually as possible.
“Why not stay and party with us?” he said whilst holding the half bottle of cheap whiskey out to me.
“No thanks.” I said. “I’m driving.” I lied.
The three men had closed in around me and had backed me almost up against a wall. The big one got agitated, saying that I thought I was too good for them.

“No,” trying to sound as casual and as unthreatened as I could. “They are expecting me that’s all.” I moved to walk past them. He made a lunge for me and as I stepped back to avoid him I was grabbed at the top of my arm by one of the smaller men. The 3rd was stood back slightly cheering on the other two. As soon as he had laid his hands on me the other 2 closed in close. One reaching for my other arm the other went straight for my chest. He placed a hand tight over my mouth to keep me from screaming, while the other ripped at my jacket and top, trying to reveal the skin beneath. All thoughts of panic dropped away from me, I felt calm and totally calculated. My years of karate had brought me to this point. I relaxed my whole body, but made sure my feet were planted squarely on the ground. I brought my head back slowly, with a smile on my face, the 3 men relaxed fractionally and smiled right on back at me. Thinking I was going to join in their repulsive idea of a party willingly. Then with a speed, force and accuracy they hadn’t thought possible I brought my head forward as hard and as fast as I could on the big ones face. I heard the satisfying crunch of his nose breaking and his yelp of pain.
“Hold her, fucking hold her.” He shouted at his co-horts, one hand holding onto his bloodied nose whilst the other punched me in the face. I saw it coming and was able to turn my head at the last minute so I only caught half the impact.
The pain from the pressure cut I now had above my right eyebrow focused my mind.
I swept my left leg behind me and unbalanced the man who had grabbed my arm, ripping and twisting my arm from his grip I turned and brought my knee with all the force and frustration and anger I had been harboring for the last few weeks and made full contact with his testicles! He dropped to the floor holding his crotch in agony. His strangled scream and the shouts of alarm from the broken nosed man mingled together. I turned to look for the 3rd man; he was now backing away with an uncertain look on his face. I was so angry and so pissed off that I was literally seeing red, so I wasn’t even aware of the silver Volvo as it screeched into view. I wasn’t even aware that it was Edward who put his arms out to me to re assure me, all I wanted was to fight these bastards who had no right to lay their hands on me. Edward turned me and I went to throat punch him thinking it was one of the trio. He blocked my punch easily and before I knew what had happened he had both his arms wrapped around me, pinning my arms to my side. All the time he was talking to me telling me it was alright I was ok now. My 3 attackers on seeing me safely restrained took the opportunity to run. It was then I found my voice, now I screamed in frustration and anger. I sank to the pavement and Edward sank with me too. Not letting go of his hold though he had loosened it as I had stopped struggling so much. I don’t know how long we were sat there like that for. But finally the adrenaline left me totally. Eventually Edward broke his hold and held out his hand to help me up.
I took it and he easily pulled me to my feet.
“Are you sure your ok?” He asked the concern obvious in his voice and on his face.
“I’m fine.” I said not trusting my voice to not quiver to say more.
“Come on get in the car I’ll take you home.” He said gently.
I sat in his car and snuggled down into the leather seats. “Angela and Jessica.” I stated, “I need to let them know where I am.” I quickly dialed Angela’s cell number and trying to sound as calm as I could, apologized for being late and I told them that I was getting a lift home from a friend.
I looked towards Edward and I knew I was going to get told off. I sat with a feeling of resignation knowing it was coming and accepting it.
“What were you thinking Mackenzie? Why on earth did you try to fight?”
“Look Edward, I don’t mean to be rude but I tried to walk away and talk my way out of it, they came off a lot worse than me. They would have been a lot worse off if you hadn’t come along. Anyway, they lost the chance of a peaceful outcome as soon as they touched me.” The anger started to well up in me again. I heard Edward hiss and he slammed on the brakes of the car. “They touched you?” did they hurt you? His own voice had taken on a truly menacing quality. His body had tensed and had the look of a wild animal about to spring at his prey.
He looked me over and saw my torn jacket and top, what can only be described as a growl escaped his lips “You’re bleeding!” He said sounding alarmed and frighteningly quiet at the same time.
“Yeh it’s my eyebrow I think its cut from the punch, I was too slow.” I berated myself absently.
Edward jumped out of the car with a snarl. Shocked, I leaped out after him. He started pacing almost running around the area, this was a side of Edward I had not seen.

“Take my car and drive it to my house.” He ordered. Still pacing.
“Where are you going?” I asked him, though I already knew the answer.
“To take care of some business, no one hurts you. Ever.” His incredibly handsome face was strained at the effort it took to stop from going after the 3 men there and then.
I stood in front of Edward stopping his pacing march and placed both my hands on his chest. He stopped but was looking around wildly like he saw much more than I could possible understand. I needed him to calm down I needed him to listen to me. I placed my hands on his beautiful tortured face, forcing him to look at me. “Please.”
Edward met my eyes, his golden to my grey.
“I need YOU, to take me home Edward, please don’t do what your thinking of doing.”
He pulled back slightly from me, “How could you possibly know what I’m thinking? You have no idea what I’m capable of.”
Pushing my whole body against his, “I know exactly what you are capable of Edward, and I know you won’t leave me when I ask you to stay with me, when I tell you I need you.”

“Please.” My hand moved around his collar behind his neck, my other hand was on his arm, I was looking at his eyes and it felt like I was loosing myself in those golden pools. I lifted my chin and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek, my heart was pounding in my ears.
“Please.” I said again as I kissed near the corner of his mouth. Edward was motionless, his arms were not touching me they just hung by his sides. All I could feel was my need, my need for Edward nothing else existed at that minute. His lips were cool and unresponsive and I clenched onto him tighter still, my need for him so great. I ran my tongue gently across his bottom lip; still Edward seemed a million miles away from me. He was a man of ice and I felt the bitter cold of his rejection. Finally knowing that I was beat, I went to release him, his arms suddenly came up around my waist and his lips though they didn’t soften, molded to meet mine. As he returned my kiss ever so gently a groan escaped me as I felt his tongue brush the inside of my own bottom lip. His hand was on my hip, pulling me into his marble like erection. He ran a line of kisses at my throat and it was all I could do to stay on my feet, my whole body was shaking with the need to be his.
His hold on me was getting stronger more urgent as he moved his mouth against mine along my cheek and towards my forehead crushing my hips against him. Suddenly he stiffened and stopped kissing me, though his lips remained in contact with my skin. I opened my eyes and there was such a look of torment and torture on his face, and something I didn’t recognize. I wondered what on earth could be wrong. I went to move away from him, but his arms held me easily where I was. His eyes were fixed and staring, not on my eyes, but on…on the cut I had on my eyebrow that was still bleeding!

‘FUCK’

How stupid I was to have not thought of that, how thoughtless I was to have put Edward through this, how selfish I was. Everything I could berate myself with I did. I deserved whole heartedly whatever Edward did to me and it still wouldn’t be punishment enough for putting him in this awful terrible position.
“Edward?” I said so quietly. “I’m sorry.”
I relaxed totally in his arms and surrendered myself to him, ready to accept the consequence of my own selfish needs. In that moment Edward saw my surrender and sighed. He dropped his forehead to mine and said, “Let’s go home.”

Neither of us spoke, we were both too wrapped up in dealing with our personal demons to attempt to try to offer assistance to the other to fight theirs.
“This is all wrong.” I muttered shaking my head.
“I Know.” Edward replied gently.
I turned to him, not realizing I had spoken out loud. Although I knew that all that was happening was either not supposed to happen or it was supposed to happen with someone else it still felt like a mighty slap in the face to hear Edward agree with me and say it.
“I am sorry Edward for….” ‘For getting bashed up and bleeding all over you and then throwing myself at you and practically begging you to make love to me. For loving you’

“…For what Mackenzie? You have nothing to be sorry about. Its me who should be sorry, I should have stayed away from you like Carlisle said.” His beautiful face troubled as his eyes remained on the road.
“Why would he tell you to stay away from me Edward? I’m basically a good person, full on sometimes, scatty definitely, loyal totally. Honest always.”
“Well almost always.” I amended, “As long as no one is going to be hurt by it.”

I heard his light chuckle and I looked up to see him smiling at me again.
“You really aren’t like any of the kids at school.” He said.
“I’m willing to bet im nothing like anyone you’ve ever met!” I stated.
“No, your not. I wish you would trust me Kenzie.”


Rational thought went out the window for a second as I tried to focus my mind again. All I wanted to hear was him saying my name again. I imagined him calling my name whilst we made love and I had to suppress a moan escaping from my lips.
I managed to pull myself together, ”I trust you Edward, I just don’t think that you would believe me if I told you everything.” I looked out of the window.

‘I don’t think you would want to still be friends if I told you!’

That was probably the real reason why I was putting off telling him the inevitable.

We drove on in silence and before long we were on the outskirts of Forks. We pulled up outside a house and I wondered where we were, until I saw Charlie walk out the front door!
“What are we doing here?” I asked Edward suspiciously.

“I thought it would be best if you weren’t alone tonight.” He said calmly.

“You could have stayed with me!” I said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“I don’t think that would have been such a good idea, do you?” He said raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“Actually, I think it would have be a very good idea, but if your just too scared of a girl! Well then….” I sniffed.

“Oh I am very scared of you Mackenzie May Richardson! You have no idea!”

‘Bugger, he always does that!’

I looked between Edward and Charlie and decided that I had no right to pick an argument with Edward now, not after all I had put him through.

“OK, I’m going, I will see you later Edward, and again I’m sorry and thank you, for everything.” I leant over and kissed him on the cheek.

“Sleep well Mackenzie.” Was all I heard as I turned and walked away from him towards the house.

Chief Swan took me inside and explained the Alice had called explaining that something had happened in Port Angeles and that I needed somewhere to stay for the night. She had packed an over night bag for me and dropped it off at the chiefs house not half an hour earlier.

“Thanks for this Chief swan, I would really have been alright though.”

“Just call me Charlie; it makes me feel too old otherwise.”

“OK, Charlie.” I said trying it out. Have you spoken to Bella recently?” I asked.

He shook his head and looked a little sad

. “You miss her.”

“Well, I was just looking forward to seeing her for a bit longer.”

I looked down, feeling my own loneliness a bit more than normal. I wondered what my own family and friends were doing.

“So do you want to tell me what happened in Port Angeles?” Charlie asked. He saw me stiffen at the thought and shake my head.

“well soon, it looks like you’ve been through a bit of an ordeal tonight and well when your ready to talk, I’m here to help. OK?”


“Thanks Charlie.” I answered gratefully. Charlie then changed the subject. After a while I pleaded tiredness and Charlie showed me to my room. I went and washed up and changed into the ridiculously revealing nightwear Alice had packed for me, and went and sat on Bella’s chair. I couldn’t bring myself to sleep in her bed.

I was having a bit of a moral dilemma. I was totally and undeniably in love with Edward, that was the easy part. The thing I wasn’t so sure of was that I didn’t know exactly what Edward was, not in a human/vampire way but in a delusion/dream way. And then of course there was the guilt.
Although in this reality Edward and Bella didn’t have the connection that they had had in the books that I so loved, it still felt like I was almost 2 timing Bella with Edward. That all the things that were going on were in fact the things that should be occurring with Bella and that I was a dangerous intruder.

I walked around Bella’s room and tried to see a bit of the person she was, but there weren’t really any hints I had no epiphany, it was a 17 year old girls room, no more no less.

I sat thinking about the events that had brought me here and there were things that didn’t seem right, things that bothered me It seemed like I was living the story but so many differences and I wondered if I was correct in assuming that the outcome of the books was going to be the way my delusion head played this out, or if I could actually be in real danger here. And if I was in danger what would that mean for my real life body? So many things confused me, I was even acting different to who I thought I actually was. one of the things that was bothering me was actually a passing comment Carlisle had made. I was trying to remember what we had spoken about when I had come round in the hospital my head was so fuzzy at the time. He had said that I was lucky …no broken bones…good job Edward was there…Edward was there!
That was it; The Kalaloche Lodge was on Quileute Land, so what about the treaty? Was their even a treaty? I needed answers and I needed to stop pussy footing around. I closed my eyes resting them, my body bruised and battered and my head even more so. The next thing I knew it was morning.

Chapter 3

Theres lots of strong language and lemons in my story, please dont read if you are easily offended!

I do not own anything, all things Twilight belong to Stephenie Myers.

Chapter 3
I’m Not in Kansas anymore!

‘Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep’ What was that noise? Had my alarm got broken? Was I going to be late for work? The sensible side of my brain tried to rouse me, shouted at me.

‘Get UP!’


Nope I wasn’t listening; I sighed and snuggled back into the warmth and comfort of sleep.

‘Get the Fuck Up right now Mackenzie May Richardson’

I tried to move my arm to turn the annoying beep of my alarm off but I couldn’t move. I tried again and still no movement, shit something wasn’t right. I was trying desperately to drag my self to somewhere near consciousness. Voices, I heard voices now calm reassuring voices telling me it was all ok, telling me that I was going to be ok.

Then I remembered.

‘Pain’

It all rushed at me, the fall, and the blackness I understood. I opened my eyes, the room was so bright.

“Too bright.” I managed to mumble before the blackness came again.

‘Beep, Beep, Beep, Beep’ this time I was more aware, more awake, I knew what they were. They were the machines that meant I was still alive. I wiggled my fingers and toes proving to myself that ok it hurt like fuck but at least I could feel that it hurt. I didn’t want to contemplate the alternative.

I wasn’t sure how long after it was that I knew I was waking up properly. Again I could hear those reassuring voices.
“…..amazing that she is still alive, she didn’t break a single bone!”
Then a new voice, this one sounded like treacle. It sounded so familiar.
“She’s a very lucky young woman, I don’t know what would have happened if Edward hadn’t been there to help her.”

My eyes snapped open. My mad unfocused eyes flew around the white room, looking for the person who had spoken. They stopped to rest on the tall incredibly pale, blonde haired doctor who was holding my charts.

“Well hello there Ms Richardson, I’m Doctor Cullen, you’ve had a nasty fall but your ok, we have been taking good care of you.” He smiled a movie star smile at me and I closed my eyes again.


‘Fuck, I’m dead’

That was the only rational explanation I could come up with. Not only was I seeing the characters from my beloved book but they actually looked like the people who had portrayed them in the film.

“Ms Richardson? Are you ok? You’ve had a terrible shock I know, but you’re on the mend.”
I pulled myself up into a sitting position, which was really hard because I still had an IV cannula in my arm. I brushed the nurses away from me who offered help but I motioned for Dr Cullen to come closer.
He moved easily towards me with a grace that was inexplicable. His eyes. His eyes were golden, nope not golden, golden amber. Nope golden burnished amber. No words could describe his eyes.

‘Oh my fuck he was Hot!’

I held my hand out for my charts, still not trusting myself to speak yet. Still if I was going to have a delusion I was glad that I was having one about a Cullen, even if it wasn’t about the Cullen I really wanted.

I passed a professional eye over my obs and apart from a concussion and some cuts and bruises I would be expecting to be released soon.

I handed the charts back to Carlisle.
I giggled manically.

‘Carlisle’

I thought how fucking cool was that?
“Right well, as soon we can, we will let you go but I think I need to keep you with us for another night at least. Just to be on the safe side.” He assured me. As he turned and went to leave I couldn’t stop myself, I reached out my hand and pinched his beautiful arse as hard as I could. I needed to see if he felt real or not. His arse was a much better option than pinching my own arm!
He didn’t even flinch! It was like trying to pinch a marble ball. He hadn’t noticed but the 2 nurses in the room with us certainly had! They gasped as they saw what I did, but they didn’t say anything as Dr Cullen hadn’t seemed to notice. I raised a conspiratorial finger of quiet sisterhood to my lips
“Shh” I said as they hurried out of the room. My eyes could no longer stay open and my eyelids shut down happily over my eyes taking me away from all the madness that had stolen itself into my world.

‘Kenze, this certainly isn’t Kansas anymore!’

I woke again with an indescribably happy nurse flinging open my curtains.
“Good Morning, I’ve brought you some breakfast, I hope you like eggs?”
My stomach turned over angrily trying to eject the thought of food.
“Erm, no thanks, im not hungry, but I would love a cup of tea if there is one?”
The nurse who was called Sandra nodded and walked hurriedly out to I presumed get me my drink.
I had done a lot of thinking through the night and I was ready to accept that for the time being this, life was real; it was as real to me as my life before, so I had come to the conclusion that Dr Cullen was just one of those weird coincidences that happen from time to time. I was also pretty sure that I was actually lying in a hospital bed somewhere and my head was just fucking with me whilst I tried to heal. I wasn’t going to question any of it, I was just going to get the fuck outta here and find Ruby.

I had asked various nurses and staff if someone had been with me when I was brought in, but none of them seemed to know. I would be seeing Dr Cullen again today so I had decided to ask my questions from the big enchilada.

Sandra returned with a steaming cup of tea which I took from her gratefully. She told me that she was going to remove my IV for me, I rolled up the dressing and flipped my arm over, she flipped some gloves on and I noticed that her hands were shaking. I remembered the first time I had had to remove someone’s IV at just how shit scared I had been. As her shaking fingers removed the surgical tape I noticed that I was holding my breath….
“Its ok, your doing great “ I encouraged her.
She took a deep breath and slipped the IV out smoothly. I grabbed the dressing and applied the necessary pressure until I was able to have a small dressing. Sandra smiled her thanks and removed her work tray.
I was just finishing my cup of tea when Dr Cullen came in.
I didn’t know how long he had been standing there, but there was a slight look of surprise on his face.
“How are you feeling today Ms Richardson?”
“Mackenzie, My names Mackenzie.”
He nodded.
“I’m doing fine…”

“…But?” He asked.

Where’s my Friend? Ruby, Ruby Harris, I was with her when I fell. Was she hurt as well? Was I brought in alone?” I was starting to get a bit agitated, Ruby was worrying me, I didn’t know if she was hurt or if she was ok, I wanted to know if she was safe or not.

Dr Cullen narrowed his eyes; he seemed to be weighing some things up. Eventually he said “Look I am discharging you today, but I don’t want you to be alone so I am sending you over some company for a little while just for the first couple of hours or so.”

I nodded, as I had expected as much. He told me he had arranged a ride back to the Lodge for me. This also answered another of my questions, I knew that I was at least staying in the place I had been in.

‘Bugger, my head hurt.’

After getting all my meds and my discharge papers, I waved to Sandra and the other nurses and went to take my leave. I got to the front automatic doors, my eyes still searching for any familiar face, when I actually did that double take thing…who knew that you actually really truly did that? Charlie was walking towards me, Charlie Swan,
Charlie, Bella is the fruit of my fucking loins, Swan!

Are you Ms Richardson? He asked me as he got closer. I nodded and he explained that he was going to give me a ride to the Lodge.
I thanked him and got in his truck.
I kept looking at him from my eye corners but when he started to seem to get uneasy I forced myself to speak to him.
“Do you know what happened to me Chief Swan?” I asked him.

“Well here’s the thing.” He paused considering his answer before he gave it. “I doubt that we will ever know exactly how you fell, but we’re all mighty glad to see you walk away from it pretty much as good as new.”

Wow, he was a man of few words, but none of them were wasted.

Charlie explained to me that the reception clerk had seen me go down the cliff steps but had become alarmed when I hadn’t returned a few hours later. They sent out a couple of the hotel staff and they put a call to the hospital and lo and behold I matched the description they had given. I asked him if I was here alone or had I been travelling with a friend or friends.

Charlie answered that judging by my papers and the information he had gotten from the hotel staff, that I was alone here on a student exchange In fact the same one that his own daughter was on only in the UK, and that I was planning to be here for at least the next school year.

The part about school year freaked me out somewhat and I hadn’t paid enough attention to what he had just said. I replayed the last couple of sentences in my head
“…..on a student exchange, in fact the same one that his own daughter was on!”
His daughter, his daughter Bella!!!
‘Fuck, Fuckity Fuck.’
This was getting more screwed up by the minute. I took a deep steadying breath, ok technically I had wished that I could be Bella but this was just way too weird.
I thanked Charlie and as I walked towards my room, the exact one I had shared with Ruby, Reassuring him that I was feeling fine. He shouted that he would pick me up in the morning and take me to school if he couldn’t sort out a car for me before then.

“My numbers at the front desk if you need to get in contact.” With that he waved and drove out of the car park.
I stood looking into the room, not wanting to step inside scared of what I may or may not find there.

The room was exactly how I had left it. Exactly apart from there was nothing to show that Ruby had ever been there. Feeling relieved that she wasn’t laying hurt somewhere as well. I decided to let this delusion run its course or what ever it needed to do. It seemed like the fates had stepped in to make sure I had the experience in Forks that I had wanted all along.



I had a bath and put on my bunny pj’s and bunny slippers. And sat wrapped up in the comforter watching tele. It was probably close to 7pm and there was a knock at the door. I got up gingerly, I really did ache, A lot! And peered through the peep hole.

“Err Mackenzie, My names Jacob; Charlie sent me. I just came over to check if you were ok? Charlie gave me something for you.”
‘Click’
Another piece of a puzzle fell into place. No wonder Lucas had seemed so familiar he could be Jacobs’s twin brother almost. I smiled hugely as I opened the door to ‘Virtual’ Jacob.

“Hi!” he said looking appreciatively at my oh so unsexy bunny wear.
“So you said Chief Swan had something for me?” I asked after a moment, trying to draw Jacobs’s eyes away from my very visible nipples. I almost ran back to the sofa and comforter and covered myself over. Jacob followed me to the sofa and not waiting to be asked dropped down.
He was HUGE! Even I felt tiny compared to him.
“Yeah,” he said finally. “He asked me to give you these.” He held out his hand and dropped a set of keys into my own. Without asking I knew that these were the keys to Bella’s truck.
“Thanks, for bringing them over Jacob, I really appreciate it.” I said honestly.
“Its ok, I wanted to see who everyone was talking about anyways.” Was his candid reply.
“Well, I survived a fall that’s all I don’t got 2 heads or nothing.” I gave him a playful nudge in the ribs and was rewarded by a beautiful white gleaming smile.
“No, you don’t have 2 heads, and I understand a bit better now why you’re the hot topic!”

“How old are you Jacob?” I asked suddenly.
“17” He replied. “You?”
“Erm…. You know what? I’m not sure!”

Jacob laughed a big friendly guffaw and suggested I look in my passport.

‘Passport, of course!’

Well it looked like my delusionhead wanted to knock a couple of years off of me and had put me down as 22.Little details, places names people all seemed a bit out of whack. I was desperate to ask Jacob about the Cullen’s, but I was unsure of what I was supposed to know and what I wasn’t, so I kept that on ice for a while thinking it best to find a more reliable source of information about the Cullen’s than Jacob.

Jacob stayed with me for the rest of the evening, he was easy company and made me laugh, which hurt, and it helped having someone there rather than be left alone in this really weird set up.
When Jacob got up to leave I thanked him as I walked him to the door.
He smiled his stunning smile and waved as he jumped onto his dirt bike. He kicked the starter once, waved and hurtled out the car park and was gone.

I took the meds that the good doctor had prescribed me and wondered what I was going to do. Through some earlier investigation, I had found that every cell number I had stored on my phone was now gone, everything that I had that linked me to my real life in some way was no where to be found. The only things I had were the things that were totally mine, not shared with anyone. A thought suddenly occurred to me and I padded my way over to my bed, I opened the little bed side table drawer and looked inside. My books were gone!
OK I am definitely IN the Twilight Zone. Why would I have put myself in this sort of delusion where I didn’t even have the solace of my beloved book for company?

‘Geez I was a mean bitch to myself!’

I thought that maybe it was because I was sort of already with my book in some weird, trippy kind of way??
I was fishing I knew but it was the best I could come up with, plus the meds were really making me light headed. I thought that I would just shut my eyes for 5 minutes….

BANG, BANG, BANG!

“What? Huh?... I’m up!”
I grabbed the duvet and stumbled across the door to answer it. Chief swan was stood there with a look of horror on his face.
“Ms Richardson, you do remember you’re at school today?”

“Yes, of course, school, gimme a second I’ll be right with you.” I ran to the bathroom, dumping the comforter on the way, switched the shower on and turned to squat and have a pee. Enjoying the beautiful view out of the front picture window as I had before.
I could see Charlie pacing and I could tell that he was not best pleased on having to wait on me.

‘Shit! I could see Charlie pacing!’

I leapt off the loo and managed to slam the door shut with my outstretched left leg just before Charlie got more of an eyeful of me than he would definitely have wanted.
I was ready in record time, and I was pleased with myself that I wasn’t going to be late. I was excited to see what the school looked like, though I was betting that it would be EXACTLY as I had imagined it!

“Did Jacob drop off the keys to Bella’s van for you last night?” The chief asked.
“Yep, he did Thank you, there really wasn’t any need for you to come with me this morning, you’ve been more than kind.”
And he had, yes he was a bit surly and definitely taciturn but you could tell that he was a good man trying to do his best for his town.

The Chief told me to follow him to the school, so I grabbed my bag and went out into the wet May morning. As I thought, there was Bella’s van, all beat up and ancient. Charlie looked at me oddly as a smile crossed my lips and I caressed the worn paintwork bonnet like it was an old friend.
“I hope your daughter won’t mind me using her car?” I asked.
“She said it was fine, and told me to let you know that it sticks in second.”
I nodded absorbing the information.
“Sticks in second, ok thanks.”

‘MACKENZIE!’
I shouted at myself.

“Did you say she told you to let me know?” I asked with a slight quiver in my voice. “Did she know I would need it before she left then?”
The chief looked a little confused and when he answered he talked really really slowly like he was talking to someone with limited mental ability or a young child.
“No, she told me when I spoke to her last night.”
I had grabbed both of the Chiefs arms in my hands and pulled him to face me.
“You spoke to her last night?” I screeched, trying to sound as casual as I possible could.
“Yes, that’s what I just said…..maybe you should have another day of rest Ms Richardson before you go to school?”
I could see the Chief was wincing slightly so I released my Kung foo grip off of his arms and replied. “No, that’s fine; I’m fine, let’s go then shall we? I don’t want to be late for my first day!”
I made a mental note to try to be around when Bella spoke to Charlie next and with mixed feelings of trepidation and excitement I followed Charlie’s Police car to school.
He stopped away from the school gates and waved me past so that it didn’t look like I was being escorted by the long arm of the law to lessons! I waved to him, but my eyes were fixed on the car park, The Car Park!!

I ran a quick eye over the cars in the parking lot, searching for a silver Volvo, there wasn’t a car of that make or colour in the lot at all. I couldn’t help but feel desperately disappointed.

‘Mackenzie May, your delusional, what did you expect? That you could orchestrate this shit?’

I felt a bit stupid hoping that I could direct my delusion.

With my head on all sorts of naughty possibilities if I had been able, I hopped out of the van and walked to the main entrance. It was weird not feeling scared or worried about walking into this alien environment. I wasn’t sure if it was because I was much older or that I knew this was all in my head, or that I felt pretty comfortable in being able to kick the shit out of anyone who pissed me off!
I nodded to myself slightly thinking that probably all 3.
I was aware of someone walking with me and staring up at me, I turned to look at them and as I did so a very enthusiastic boy said,
“Hi you must be Mackenzie? Im..”

“Eric,” I finished for him.
He looked a bit surprised but nodded after a split second and continued with his hyper babble about himself, the school and the paper. It was really weird knowing what he was going to say pretty much as he said it. It seemed my psyche had decided to place me at the beginnings of the book.
I wondered if all the same characters would come into play. I also wondered if I could set off some kind of star trek paradox thingy if I said the wrong thing at the wrong time.
With all this running through my head I found my way to the main offices and collected my time table…

Oh my god I was back at school!’


…and was pleased to see that we had gym for our first class. I had what was only just passable as gym clothes, my old torn joggers and a ripped up vintage bob Marley T and my stinky, well loved decrepit runners. I ripped the bottom of my T off and tied it round my head to keep my midlength hair from falling in my eyes and I was ready to go.
I walked out after the rest of the girls and I admit it, my ego had a huge boost. I heard the collective gasp on my entrance. The boys who were already in the gym stopped what they were doing and stared and I knew I was gonna be someone’s wet dream tonight.
I joined the girls, and their reaction was on the most part acidic!! I smiled and took no notice. I was ready to play, I wanted to get out some of my frustration at no knowing what the fuck was going on and I had a split second of pity for these girls who were gonna get it with both barrels.

I really enjoyed the Gym lesson, I worked up a good sweat and was able to vent a bit of anger, something I hadn’t been able to do for quite a while due to my karate being on hiatus. The girl with the bloodied nose was looking at me reproachfully; the rest of the girls now looked mostly worried! The butch female phys Ed teacher asked if I would sign up for some teams and though I didn’t say yes, I didn’t say no either. I went and got showered and changed back into my regular clothes. I looked at my timetable and my next lesson was due to be Biology. I fumbled with the map and tried to see where I was in relation to where I needed to go. A sweet voice asked “Are you ok? You seem a little lost!”
I span around and was met by Angela. I couldn’t stop the huge cheesy grin spread across my face. “Oh Angela, I’m so pleased its you.” I grabbed her and hugged her to me like some long lost teddy. She seemed a little startled and out of breath when I released her but there was a genuine smile on her face.

‘Lost?’

She had no idea! ”I need to get to my Biology class but I don’t have any idea where it is!” I explained.
“It’s ok. I’m off to that class as well, we can walk together.” She said shyly. I liked Angela, she was honest and decent and friendly and seemed like a warm beacon in this icy little sea I was trying to swim through. Just as we got to what looked like our Biology classroom, Eric was waiting outside the door looking around for something. I had a sneaky suspicion that I was the something, but I made a move to squeeze through the door past him and get to the teacher. My move was thwarted by Mike Newton spying me from inside and sprinting deer like to the doorway where I was sandwiched between Eric and Mike and the door. I raised my hands and sucked in my chest and butt trying as much as possible to keep away from the boys lower regions and the semi erect penises that had sprung to life, and pushed through. Once free of the door I straightened and walked to the desk. Mr. Banner took my paperwork and led me to a table. For a second my heart flip-flopped as this was where Bella and Edward should meet, had they not both been off in their own virtual reality somewhere doing what fictitious characters do. I giggled to myself and slipped onto the stool, dumping my bags under the table. I was chuckling as I read the various table graffiti when the person who had been tucking their own bag neatly under the table next to me sat up!

“Oh Shit!” I stated loudly as I turned to face a pair of dark angry eyes.
20 pairs of shocked and amused eyes turned to me!
“I mean, Oh dear, erm …you made me jump… err, Hi!” I swallowed trying to dislodge the huge bowling ball sized lump that was sat just above my larynx encroaching on my ability to speak properly.
Edward didn’t say anything, just looked at me. I stared right back at him, I wasn’t some gauche scared 17 year old, plus I had the added benefit that I was fairly sure that he wasn’t likely to hurt me, despite what his dark look was telling me; Unless of course, my delusionhead had decided to play some cruel twist of fate on me and make Edward into a meatasaurus of Atkins diet proportions!
As we sat staring at each other I took in the vamp gods every feature. WOW Carlisle had been something pretty darn good, but lay me on my back and brand me Edward if he wasn’t the most perfect hunk of manhood I had EVER, set eyes on. He looked like the actor from the film, but he was so so much MORE. The jaw was defined, the neck long and regal, his cheekbones were high and Fuck, his eyes, they were black I mean no kidding totally black. His hair was bronze with lighter and darker tones running through it and had the look of someone who had spent the past month in bed making love.

‘Holy shit what is he doing to me?’


And damn if he didn’t smell like something I wanted to smell for the rest of my life. I was in danger of seriously salivating on the desk and had to stop myself from stripping myself naked and lying back on the table and demanding he took me there and then. It was a good thing that Edward wouldn’t be able to read my thoughts else he would be running for the hills about now! The teacher walked around the room handing out pipettes, which broke my gaze from his, I thanked the teacher briefly and turned back to Edward. He didn’t look as angry just really puzzled.
“I guess I need to thank you.” I said. Once I had managed to learn how to talk and look at him at the same time.

‘Yay for multi tasking!’

He raised a perfect eyebrow in question. “I heard that it was because of you im still here.”
“It’s fine. You don’t need to thank me.” He replied in his musical voice.
“Well you may think I don’t need to thank you but I do, so I shall, so Thank you, for… for what ever it was you did for me.” I nodded happy that I had done the right thing.
“What did you do for me?” I asked not able to hide the genuine interest.
“You don’t remember?” he asked me quietly. I shook my head.
“It was nothing, I just took you to my father at the hospital.” He finished flatly.
“Well thanks.” I felt that there was more than what he was saying but I didn’t press him.
The lesson was pretty interesting and I was switching from looking at Edward to listening to what the teacher was saying. There were a couple of points that he had wrong but they were common mistakes to anyone who didn’t work in the field of haematology. I kept my thoughts to myself but jotted down the correct answer to the problem. As I looked up I noticed that Edward was looking at what I had written. His beautiful eyebrows pulled down over his eyes in a look that I didn’t understand.
If I moved even a fraction closer to him, he would move that fraction away from me. If my head moved closer his would move away, if my hand or leg or body moved, his would mirror mine. I was transfixed on the way his chiseled jaw would flex in effort.
My eyes sparkled at his dark black pools.
He turned away quickly and as expected left just as the bell was about to ring.
“Bye then “I shouted after him and giggled.

‘My delusionhead was fun’

I skipped through the rest of my lessons and went into the cafeteria. I scanned the whole area and saw Angela beckon me over. She was sat with Jessica and Eric and Mike and I knew that I would need to be introduced. So familiar were all these people to me that I was having difficulty in restraining my views of them. Like I had said from the beginning, I said what was on my mind. Even if it were to my detriment.

I grabbed my tray and walked over to Angela and let her introduce me to the others. Jessica had been in my gym class but had been wise enough to stay out of my way. I didn’t like the way she validated herself by pointing out others perceived faults.

“So where are you from?” Mike Newton asked.
I had been prepared for these types of questions and I wanted to be as truthful as I could so that was my plan, where ever I could I would tell the truth.
I explained that I was older than them that I came from England on the outskirts of London and that the school I was attending was more of a university, and I had been lucky enough to be selected for the exchange program. The group surrounding me looked suitable impressed and convinced. I was hoping that I wouldn’t need to run through the story again as I knew that Eric would probably put the details around the whole school by next period. I looked up to the table where I knew Edward and his family should be. Sure enough there they were.

Now I know it kept saying it over and over in the book how beautiful they were and even I got to the point where I was like enough already, we get it they are gorgeous. But. They really and truly were beautiful. Not just in a physical sense, but in the way a piece of music is beautiful, the love of a mother and her child is beautiful, the way an old couple sat on Brighton beach holding hands is oh so beautiful.
They were all these and still more.
“Impressive aren’t they?” Jessica’s nasally voice interrupted my musing.
She went through her intros for the 5 people sat around the table. I looked at them all studying them. I could see Edward talking to them and they all looked up in our direction. Emmett’s big frame was open and friendly even; he had a protective arm around Rosalie’s shoulder. She was stunning, but there was something very sad about her, and even sat there with an outright challenge on her face I felt sorry for her. I smiled and moved my gaze to Jasper. Again the pale skin and the purple rings around the eyes didn’t detract from this warrior’s beauty. I did acknowledge that he seemed to be on constant alert and looked like he needed a good nights sleep. Knowing that this was impossible I moved my gaze onto Alice.
My heart gave a little lurch when I saw Alice; there was something about her that reminded me so strongly of Ruby that my eyes started to well with tears. The loss that I had felt coupled with the total lack of any understanding of what was really happening to me was too much Seeing Alice sat with a protective hand on Jaspers leg so casual but so intimate made my heart wrench. I actually started to feel faint and the panic that I had managed to keep locked up until that point started to bubble to the surface... I stood up and made my excuses quickly and ran for the door.

I managed to get outside and sprawled on the steps of the cafeteria and shoved my head between my knees.
I was taking some deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth, and was trying to steady the rapid beating of my heart. A thin sheen of perspiration had broken out on my skin, but it helped being outside.
I stripped off my jacket and tore the jumper over my head.
“Are you ok?” came that beautiful musical voice.
I kept my head down, not wanting to look at Edward in case he made my head spin again.
“I’m fine.” I told him, using his own words to me earlier.
“Well you look like you may need to go see my father again.” He said as he ran a cool hand over my forehead.
I shivered at the contact of his hand to my face, but the coolness was welcome.
“You don’t test a temp on the head, its better on the back of the neck.”
I’d said it before I knew what I was doing, always saying exactly what was on my mind.
“Anyway, I don’t have a temperature, I’m fine.” I kicked myself for feeling so flustered.
I looked up at him and saw the beginnings of a devastating crooked smile.
His eyes wrinkled at the corners as he placed a professional hand down the back of my neck. I lifted my chin, silently daring him .OK he wanted to play did he…..?
I moved my top away from my shoulders allowing him to reach me without difficulty.
As his hand touched my skin it felt like a thousand little electric shocks had been triggered and all of them were heading to my nipples and between my legs.

“Oh Shit!” I gasped out. Edward removed his hand so quickly that I couldn’t have been sure if it had really been there at all.
“Kenze, what are you doing? What are you doing?” I demanded of myself out loud.

I looked up at his dark eyes and I hated what I saw there. He looked confused, and troubled. I could deal with anything apart from the disgust he was showing now.
I got up “Sorry” I muttered my sadness now more than it had been before, and walked to the truck and got in and drove away. I didn’t look back I didn’t want to see Edwards face so disgusted at me.

‘My delusionhead was a sick fucking bastard!’

That was the first night I didn’t dream about Edward Cullen!

Chapter 2

Theres lots of strong language and lemons in my story, please dont read if you are easily offended!I do not own anything, all things Twilight belong to Stephenie Myers.

Chapter 2
We’re Here.

The flight had been turbulent and long but I had read most of the way as Ruby had slept most of it due to the almost comatose drooling state the prescribed valium had put her in for the past 10 hours!
After the bumps and shocks of the turbulent flight I had to place a virtual restraining arm on myself to stop from falling to my knees and kissing the ground thankfully as we stepped down onto the tarmac!

We got our luggage, easily picking out the tellytubbies scarf tied around our bags on the baggage carousel and picked up our rental car armed with cases, drinks and my newly uploaded American maps sat-nav we set off for Forks. The 2 hour car journey had been pleasant enough and Ruby’s intermittent chatter and snores kept me entertained for the most part.
It was surprisingly easy to get to our hotel. I had chosen a hotel on the coast away from the town centre called the Kalaloche Lodge.
I couldn’t contain my excitement as I skipped towards the front office to get us checked in. The woman on the front desk was pleasant and her smile brightened when she heard the English accent .I said in as best English as I could muster “We have bookings, Mackenzie Richardson and Ruby Harris.”
The lady tapped away at her computer, “Aw, yes Ms Richardson and Harris, I see you…”
I stood waiting for the woman to say something but she seemed to have forgotten I was stood there. I cleared my throat and I waited for the penny to drop, the smiley check in lady, smiled some more and continued looking at me with a blank expression. Needing to pee desperately and brush my teeth in that order I almost shouted “Do we need keys for the room?”
“Oh Yes, sorry deary I just can’t get over how quaint you sound!” she said as she dropped the keys onto the desk. I grabbed our key saying our thanks and we drove around to our parking bay and then unloaded our cases. The first thing that hit me was the cold! The wind was blowing off the sea whipping my hair around my neck and face. The second thing I noticed was the beautiful view! It was stunning and I breathed in a huge lung full of salty ocean air. The sharp coldness hitting my lungs and making me gasp slightly at the shock.
“FUCK, we’re here Ruby! We’re actually really fucking here!!” I said, the amazement showing in my voice.
“Fuck, im really fucking cold Kenze, please open the door!”
Apologizing and fumbling with bags and keys we fell into our room. It was a huge room with 2 double beds 2 chairs a sofa, tea and coffee making facilities and all the usual requirements for any hotel room. The walls were wood and gave the lodge a distinct forest smell which warmed the heart as well as gave the room a warm glow.
We dumped our bags where we stood and I ran for what I hoped was the bathroom door and with my knickers round my ankles and the bathroom door open I sat with the most stupid grin on my face. From where I was sat on the loo I could see right out of the huge picture windows over the ocean. I sat watching huge waves rolling angrily in towards the beach.

“Rube...”
“Yeh?”
“Thanks!”
“Any time!”

I could tell from her voice that she was smiling and I was so grateful to my friend for doing this for me. I would do it for her in a heartbeat, but I never expected people to stuff for me, I was the fixer, I was the adventurer, I was the party gal, I was whatever they needed, I felt humbled that my friend knew I needed this and had come all this way for me.

After we had put our clothes in the ridiculously large wardrobes and we had relaxed for a bit we got showered and decided to go into town to get something to eat and to try to familiarize ourselves with our surroundings.
The smiley lady from the front desk who was called Cassandra informed us that we would need to drive into town from the Lodge as it was too far to walk. She informed us of a couple of good restaurants and cafes in town and of course there was 2 restaurants attached to the Lodge if we wanted to dine there. Armed with my camera we drove the 10 minutes into town.
Ruby was a city girl and she was literally silenced by the size of the huge pine trees we were driving past. They shadowed the road and dwarfed everything, and I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand up as I envisaged a pack of wolves patrolling through those trees keeping watch on the town and its residents.
We parked up on the main street and my mouth dropped open for a second as I took in the sight before me…..
I was actually lost for words…. I couldn’t believe it, after all my imaginings and all that I had dreamed it to be, after all this time, nothing had prepared me for this.

Ruby jolted me out of my own silence...
“What the fuck is all this shit?”
I couldn’t answer her, everywhere you looked were Twilight pictures and posters and Twilighters of all ages had all converged on this place. The town was like a bad version of some dodgy soap opera, all called Twilight, and there was the Twilight tour, the Twilight lounge, the Twilight candy store and the Twilight photo Op point. I took a huge steadying breath and tried to look past the mass of people that were clicking their camera lens at anything and everything just as I had planned to do myself!

I couldn’t see the real Forks because there were too many people bastardizing it and taking away little pieces of it and pulling at my ideal version of Forks for anyone to get a clear view of it.

Feeling totally shit, we found a place to eat and waited to be shown a table.
Neither of us had spoken since Ruby’s apt statement. We stayed silent until we had safely been seated.
“Well it’s pretty.” Ruby said unconvincingly.
“Yeh, very.” I couldn’t keep the disappointment out of my voice.
Ruby ever the enthusiast said that we should have a plan of things we wanted to do and places we wanted to see. I nodded, not trusting my self to speak further.
“I’m so sorry Rubes,” I had said finally. “I had no idea it was going to be like going to Disneyland; I expected a small American town with history and culture…”
The middle aged waitress that had served us brought us our order and said with a sting in her voice. “We have all that here sugar, you cant blame folks if they can see a way of making a living off of you people, its what you come here for anyways, you got no right to judge people so.”
Feeling totally put in my place and embarrassed, not for being bawled out, but by how true her words were, I stuttered an apology, but the waitress had already turned on her heels and was away serving a different table.

I felt like a total bitch, she was utterly correct, what a fucking nerve I had……it was my fault that their beautiful town was being torn apart, I was to blame. I was about to go back to the Lodge and pack my things and demand that we leave the town and its people in peace when Ruby put a steadying hand on my arm. “calm down Mackenzie, we are here Hun, lets enjoy it and lets go and see all those things we had planned to see, like the waitress said, this probably helps keep the local economy buoyant, feeling like a total flake, I nodded my head and tucked into my meal knowing that Ruby was right, I had been so convinced that The forks in reality would be exactly like the Forks in my head, how stupidly naïve was I to have thought that?
I kicked myself in the butt mentally and decided that nothing was going to ruin this experience for us both, especially not ME!!

After leaving a very good tip for the waitress and hoping that no one had spat in our food, we walked out of the diner and walked down the high street and the car. We drove back to the Lodge and made our way to the bar, both of us feeling the need for a drink to unwind and relax.
The bar was busy and lively and though it had a few obvious twilighters in there the majority seemed to be locals or guests. We ordered a couple of beers and found a table out of the way and sat letting the atmosphere envelope us.
We hadn’t got more than half way through our first drink when 3 fair headed men came over and sat down at the table beside us. They didn’t say anything to begin with but just eyed us over their beer bottles. My mind flitted briefly to blonde Swedish dudes which put a smile on my face.
Eventually the bravest one of the 3 turned to Ruby and asked if we wanted a drink.
Ruby declined his offer but thanked him. One of the others, all of whom looked to be in their twenties, picked up on our accents and asked us where we were from. So that was that, we spent the evening in the pleasant company of Brad, David and Nathan, all of whom were geologists from Dartmouth University doing a 6 month study on a certain part of the forest. Brad had taken a shine to Ruby and was asking animated questions about her job once he heard we were both nurses. I knew that at some point the question would come, I just didn’t know who would ask it. I was listening to Ruby and Brad chat easily and I was also listening to the music that was being played from the old 50 style Jukebox. I jumped up to see what was on it and a smile crept across my lips as I found a tune I liked, I pushed my money in the slot and punched in the number of my chosen songs and walked back to my seat grinning slightly.
As I sat down Nathan looked to me and asked “What did you put on?”
“It’s an old favorite of mine” I said as the first guitar intro started

‘Over the bridge of sighs,
to rest my eyes in shades of green
under dreamin' spires
To Itchycoo Park, that's where I've been’

I sang along to the familiar song, Nathan seemed surprised that I would like the song. I explained it had been one of my pulling songs at the nurse’s parties we had had. I laughed at his slightly shocked expression.
“Don’t worry, you’re safe, I’m not going to eat you!” I said to him, trying not to notice the slightly disappointed look in his eyes also!
“So…”Nathan asked casually. “Do you gals have to wear uniforms?”

‘Bingo! There it was’


I smiled at Ruby who was grinning madly and I nodded knowingly. Nathan actually blushed! A deep crimson flush crept up his neck to his cheeks.

“Yeh, we wear a uniform, it’s not everyone who can look that good in scrubs when we’re usually covered in all mention of bodily fluids!” I went on to describe in great detail all manner of nasty!

The slight green shading of Nathans cheeks where once there had been a blush, assured me that all thoughts of sexy short nurses uniforms had been successfully wiped from all the guys heads!

We thanked the guys for a nice evening and remained non committal to the suggestion that we should meet up again tomorrow evening. We felt fairly sure that we would see them again as they were staying at the Lodge themselves. Pleading jetlag we excused ourselves and went back to our room.

I was up early and after letting Ruby know where I was going I dressed in some old joggers and my decrepit runners and decided to go for a run along the beach.

I had not expected it to be quite as cold as it was so I had put on an extra jumper and was looking like a female version of the fat controller from Thomas the Tank engine as I set out down the cliff edge path to the beach. The steps down to the beach were wide but uneven and required me to jog at a slower pace as I needed to watch each foot fall.
Once at the bottom I felt the spray from the mad sized waves hit my face as the wind whipped at my hair, stinging my eyes and cheeks where it hit. I set off to the left putting some of the wind behind my back and relaxed into an easy running speed, the first time since arriving feeling like I was expecting to feel in this place of my dreams of my alter/ reality.

The sand was damp but tightly compact which made running on it easy, I was enjoying the ache I felt in my thighs and with each breath I took in the cold sea air deep into my lungs. I was focuses on the rhythm of my running and only caught a flash in the waves out of the corner of my eye. I didn’t pay any real attention to it and continued running. I was nearing the end of that part of the beach and I needed to run up some more cliff steps which led me through a car park.
I stopped for a breather unable to resist looking out to the monstrous seas that were swelling around the rocks.

“Awesome isn’t it” a beautiful soft voice said from beside me. I jumped round quickly and came face to face with a gorgeous looking man; well not man I mentally corrected, as I looked closer neither boy nor man as he seemed to be in between in age. I guessed around 18 or 19.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you!” he said apologetically.
“No its fine, I just didn’t realize any one was there, the sea is so loud.” I gave my most girlish smile.

“You’re not from around here are you?” the boy asked, smiling back at me with stunning white teeth. Something about him was so familiar but I just couldn’t put my finger on what it was.
“You could tell huh? Was it my accent or the total lack of appropriate attire to be out in this, so only an idiot or a tourist would make the mistake?” I asked him sardonically.
The boys eyes wrinkled slightly at the corners as he smiled and said,”Maybe a bit of both?”
“I’m Lucas by the way.” He held out his hand for me to shake it.
“Mackenzie.” I shook his hand and then we both turned back towards the sea again.
After some moments of silence he asked”Are you staying at the Lodge?”
“Yeh, it seems a pretty nice place. You?”
“No, I live on the reservation”

‘Click’

It fell into place, I must be half asleep still, and my brain so wasn’t working to its full capacity. Of course this lovely young beefcake was from the reservation. My mind skipped off to my T/R (Twilight Reality!) and I imagined him running through the woods half naked before changing into a huge russet wolf. Then I thought about him changing back from a wolf and being totally naked!

‘OH MY GOD, get a grip Mackenzie!’


I was aware suddenly of Lucas staring at me like he was waiting for an answer. I hoped I hadn’t been drooling!
“I’m sorry Lucas; I didn’t hear you, like I said the sea….very loud!” I made a point of gesticulated towards my ears and flashed my smile again.
“Oh, OK. So what do you think?”
“What do I think?” I struggled to try to bring forth some idea as to what he had just asked me. I should have just asked him to repeat it, but I didn’t want to even admit to myself that I had been stood here fantasizing about this boy!
“ERM….”

Lucas looked a bit puzzled but didn’t offer any more info.
“Yes?” I ventured warily.
“Great,” he said. A huge big grin breaking out across his face. “I’ll pick you up around 7 this evening. That ok?”

“Oh, yeh that’s fine…fine”

‘shit, shit, shit!’

“My friend will be with me.” I managed to strangle out, trying to think of some way of getting out of this date with out hurting his feelings. He really was cute.

“…you can come meet some of my friends and I’ll show you round if you like?”

At the offer of seeing a bit of the area and being shown by a local, the whole idea did sound great after all, plus he was ever so easy on the eye! Ruby was going to be happy!!

We chatted for a few more minutes and then I said that I needed to go else I would get too cold to run back.
I was aware that I was getting cold and that Lucas’ eyes seemed to be drawn to my chest at any given moment. Some things even 2 jumpers couldn’t hide!
We shouted our goodbyes as I ran down the steps.


I was wet and cold by the time I got back to our room and I must have looked scary as hell, but Ruby took it in her stride as I babbled about Lucas and our impending night out. ”Cool.” was all she said.

We had decided to go for a ride out today and Port Angeles was where we were headed. We had decided before we left the UK that we would do things that we both wanted to do and getting a bit of retail therapy was definitely in order. I needed some warmer clothes and possibly a top that didn’t make my assets so in your face, I didn’t want to offend any one or have their eye out.

‘Like I said…COLD!!’

I immediately liked Port Angeles again it seemed familiar to me and though there were a few mentions of Twilight areas of interest, the town let you explore and find that out for yourselves.

The stores were more like boutiques and we wasted 3 hours easily trying on clothes in all of them. We were humored by the shop assistants, all of them were polite and so helpful and they seemed to want to help you find what you were looking for. All of them picked up on our accent, we were placed anywhere from London to Liverpool from Australia to Ireland. All of the people we spoke to thought that we spoke quaint!!

‘Quaint?’

Never mind they were all so nice we forgave them for that!

Armed with our new purchases we set off back to the lodge. We dumped our bags in our room and ran over to the diner that was situated in the Lodge. We were hungry so we ordered a sandwich and we sat chatting as we munched.
I managed to persuade Ruby that an afternoon walk on the beach would be good fun and we thought that we might even be able to see some whales. This clinched the deal and dressed in my new arctic wear sweater we started off down the steps towards the beach.
The wind was actually howling against the rocks now, I turned to walk backwards so that I could check on Ruby she seemed to be doing ok though she had a titanium grip on the hand rail as we moved down the steps.
Walking backwards was a bit treacherous so I let go of the rails to turn around, I don’t know how but my foot slipped on a loose piece of stone, my ankle twisted and I could see myself falling forward, I made a grab for the rail, but Ruby had made a grab for me, I knew that that had doomed me, there was no way she could stop my momentum with out falling over the edge of the pathway herself, so as a last ditch effort to stop her I shoved away from her with all my mite, I saw her hit the path wall and stop as I fell through space away from her. Then all was black. Somewhere I heard Edwards’s musical voice telling me to lay still. I saw his face; I felt his hands running down my arms and legs. I felt warm, I felt safe, and I felt saved.

Black.

Chapter 1

Theres lots of strong language and lemons in my story, please dont read if you are easily offended!I do not own anything, all things Twilight belong to Stephenie Myers

Chapter One.
I’m Obsessed!
Ok I admit it….I’m obsessed, not in your average little girl, pop star obsessed way; but full on stalker capability obsessed- well nearly anyways. It doesn’t matter to me that I am really too old to have these sort of obsessions and really I’m too ‘Normal’ if the truth be known, but it is my passion……….. Hold up, it’s probably not making any sense at all?
Let me start where all good books and movies should always start… At the very beginning…..



‘BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ, BUZZ’ what was that god awful sound? I groaned as I flung my hand out to my bedside table feeling for the off button on my alarm. I managed to knock over a half drunk cup of tea, and put my fingers into a squishy half dunked hobnob before eventually finding the sleep button on the devil machine.
I lay in my cozy cocoon for a few more minutes trying to persuade myself that I really didn’t need to get up and go to work today, before the sensible side of my brain got the better of me and literally threw me out of bed and into the shower.
I loved my work I really did, but I had spent most of the darkness hours indulging in my dark secret. I was re reading, for about the 40th time, from start to finish the Twilight Saga*
I was at a point in the book where Bella was still unsure of her heart!! Edward or Jacob? No matter how well I knew the story, it still bugged the shit out of me that Bella was so undecided about whom to be with…o my god, no contest; it was EDWARD of course who wouldn’t choose Edward?
Consequently due to my girly hissy fit and the need to get past that part I had read right through the night until Dawn raised its unwelcome head through my bedroom curtains. I had put my well thumbed copy of the book down and must have fallen asleep immediately.
So when 2 hours later my alarm woke me from my Edward induced revelry I was not best pleased.

Once at work things were ok, I got to see my gal pals Ruby and Summer. They took the piss out of me relentlessly due to my obsession and they thought it was highly amusing to tell my patients that I was secretly in love with a vampire just as I was about to stick them with a large hypodermic needle and withdraw their blood!

During my break I had my head stuck in my book as I chewed on a banana. “Oh Edward” I sighed, and then looked up to see Ruby smiling at me. She was about to say something but I cut her off by looking back to my book and raising my right hand in a ‘stop’ gesture to her. I heard her give a little giggle but that was all.

I so wasn’t girly, I was about as far away from the Bella in my story as anyone could be. Bella in the books was small and petite and brunette and was a quiet unassuming girl, I on the other hand was nearly 6ft blonde haired, and my body was toned to a mix of athletic gal muscle with Xena,s boobs! And though I wasn’t loud mouthed I would always say what was on my mind and I would always stand up for the underdog. My boyfriend was really just a buddy who I happened to have sex with, it suited us both and relieved us of some tension, plus it gave us both someone to take along to those family and couples get togethers that all singletons dreaded. We were happy in our little sex set up.
My escape was to Forks, where I read about the events in the book living them vicariously through Bella, I was Bella and fuck! Lets face it, they didn’t make men like Edward Cullen in reality; so I enjoyed every nuance, look and kiss that Bella and Edward shared, though I have to admit my own full length edit of any physical contact usually came into play on such parts and I could feel between my legs just fizzing at the very idea of a full on open mouthed tongue tied snog with afore mention sexgod vampire Edward.

YES! I know he’s not real, I am aware he is just a character dreamed up by a very talented author. YES! I realized that the Edward on screen was a rather gorgeous actor, who was in all probability nothing like my ideal of Edward. But, I wanted more! I wanted to know more about the places they went I wanted to see what they saw, I wanted to experience it. I wanted to live it!




I had a full night of Twilight reading planned, and I was wearing my fave bunny pj’s and bunny slippers! I had just got to the part of the 4th book when Edward and Bella go on honeymoon on Esmes Island, when Toby turned up. He had been out with Chris and the boys to a footie match and he decided to pop round to see me after the pub. He smiled at me winningly thinking I wouldn’t notice he was pissed and just after a shag!
“Kenze, babe, come here, ive got something for you!!” he said in what I’m sure he thought was a sexy deep seductive voice, but in truth sounded like he had smoked 60 Marlboro a day for the past 30 years and was about to cough up a fur ball, and frankly the rubbing of his cock suggestively with one hand, while he swigged a beer with the other, really didn’t do it for me! I sat beside him on the sofa and he put his arm around me and pulled me towards him, admittedly he had to struggle, he was pissed after all and I was no little lamb, I was 5ft 11 of muscled athlete and it would take more than a Jason Staitham look alike to sway me into relieving him of his stress tonight. After all, my evening was planned with Edward in mind!
I eventually moved towards him a little as he was actually trying to be quite sweet; telling me that I was like the best looking bird he’d ever shagged and how I had raised his kudos since we had been shagging!!
“C’mon Kenze, don’t be a prick tease,” he said all whiney. “Why don’t you take your head out that fucking book and realize you got a real man here instead of a mad freak imagined one?”
He said, whilst stabbing towards his crotch with his hand!

Gee, did I say sweet?

“OK, enough is enough Tobe, you front up here at midnight only in the vain hope of me gratifying your sexual need. I could have had other plans; you should have asked if it was ok to come round at this time, instead of rocking up with your dick hanging out the front of your Levis!”

I explained that I had made plans and that he should at least have asked if I was doing anything else before he assumed that I was ready, willing and able to service his penis every time he got the urge; and let’s face it I would have had a full time job keeping up with that!

Toby looked confused!

CONFUSED?

“I thought that’s what we both wanted?” He said a bit uncertainly.

“We do, I did, YOU do, but……” I stopped mid sentence.
“BUT. Whath?” he asked with the slur in his voice more pronounced than it had been before.
“But, nothing Tobe,” I said finally. “Go home Toby and sober up. I will call you tomorrow.”
I got up and pretty much frog marched him out of my door. He didn’t put up any resistance, he knew better than to resist a 4th Dan in karate!
I kissed him chastely on the lips to soften the rejection and closed the door on him.
I ran back to Edward and Bella as fast as my bunny feet would allow and jumped into my bed and picked up my book which was my doorway to their life, the life that I was more a part of than I was my own.

I lay in my bed looking at the ceiling and holding on to my beloved book and feeling a bit of a bitch for sending Toby away like that, but I couldn’t shake off this feeling, I realized that I wasn’t really living my life, I was only a mere spectator and I knew that I couldn’t keep doing what I was doing. I wasn’t getting any younger I was 26 and I should really have my head sorted by now surely?
I kept hearing my mum’s voice in my head. “Tick tock Mackenzie sweetie, your biological clock is ticking by, you’re not getting any younger and I would like to have a grandchild before im too old to enjoy it!”

‘Charming!’

I made a decision then, time to grow up! I would fulfill my one great burning desire and then I would get on with my life. It all seemed so simple once I decided what I was going to do, I had 4 weeks holiday to use up and well I was going to go to Forks and I was going to experience the air and the places and the people of the place I longed to be more than any other. I was going to go and see all the places I had seen only in my minds eye until that point. I felt sure that a holiday would cure my itchy feet and that once I had been away I would settle down, that I would be able to find myself
I was so excited now that I had made the decision; I went to sleep thinking of all the places I would visit.

It was all so surprisingly easy. Work had been on at me to take my holidays before I lost them and I really thought that I just needed to get away from it all including Toby for a while to evaluate my life and see the wood from the trees as my gran used to say and I would return a new woman.

Ruby and Summer were a little less optimistic than I was at the prospects of me travelling all that way on my own for 4 weeks. I reassured them, “I’ll be fine, it’s not like I haven’t done anything like this before.” My mind skittered back to my New Zealand adventure, that time I had hunted for hobbits and elves!!

OK so there’s a pattern here… I see it, you see it, we all see it, but im a lover of good stories so of course I get involved in the books that I read...lets say no more about it…ok?... OK? Let’s move on shall we?



Ruby still wasn’t convinced and in the next breath she announced that she would use her remaining 2 weeks hols and come with me for the first half of the holiday. I tried to put her off, feeling guilty that she would feel she had to do it for my protection but she admitted to wanting to go to that part of the world, and that I had given her the excuse.
I was secretly relieved! I hadn’t relished all that time on my own in a foreign country, and so far away from home. This way I could do the things I wanted to do on the second part of my hols and on the first part Ruby and I could do all the touristy things together.
Everything seemed to go smoothly from there and the 6 weeks till we left hardly seemed any time at all to wait.
May was probably quite early in the tourist season over there but I didn’t want to have to fight my way around the place, as I was sure that the world and his wife would be visiting due to the growing popularity of the books and the film.
Our little holiday countdown annoyed the shit out of Summer and Toby in particular who had taken the news that I was off on a girls holiday with Ruby a little on the frosty side. When he asked why I hadn’t asked him to go along with me instead, I just said that I hadn’t really thought about asking anyone, I had planned to go on my own and Ruby had asked if she could come with me, plus I knew that he wouldn’t like all the sight seeing and coach trips I was intending to do!
At the words sightseeing and coach trips Toby’s eyes glazed over slightly and I knew he was thinking purple haired senior citizens and train spotters, instead of the beered up, muscle bound Swedish guys all with long flowing blonde hair he had been envisaging moments before!
This seemed to ease his mind, and after that he seemed quite keen on the idea of me going off and leaving him to his own devises for a month.


The night before we flew Toby came over and Ruby and Summer and her boyfriend Chris. We ordered in and had a relaxing meal and got ready for an early start. Ruby was staying over and Toby was staying as well and he was going to flat sit for me. He was under threat of castration if anything happened and I was pleased to see that he wasn’t entirely sure if I was being serious or not!!

We had sex for the last time in 4 weeks, though I was sure that Toby would take that matter into his own hands! But I wasn’t entirely sure that he wouldn’t put it into some one else’s hands. I felt a bit sad at that but I understood, I really was the ideal girlfriend, I could drink as much beer as they did, didn’t ask any questions usually of where/who/when or who with etc and could understand the off side rule better than most blokes!
As soon as Toby had cum he had turned over “thanks love that was great, night” Toby lay there with the used condom hanging limply off of his flaccid dick!
As he turned his back to me, I felt something let go, I knew that that was the last time I would have sex with Toby, I knew it for certain and I was happy about it. I lay staring at my ceiling, and images of Edward came to my mind, his mad bed head hair his gorgeous golden eyes and the angle of his chin, ‘fizz, pop’ went my stomach as the warmth spread out to engulf me, I bet Edward wouldn’t turn over and leave Bella un fulfilled with only his own pleasure in mind. I sighed as I slipped into Edward sleep and as I slept I sighed again as in my dream Edward slipped into me!