Theres lots of strong language and lemons in my story, please dont read if you are easily offended!
I do not own anything, all things Twilight belong to Stephenie Myers.
This may sound crazy…
I woke from my totally restless night feeling uncertain of any future action. I had waited in the bathroom, after Edwards rejection of me, for what seemed like hours until I heard Charlie come home. I had shouted down to him and he had come upstairs as I knew he would. Successfully stopping any chance of Edward staying around to talk to me.
I asked about his day and we chatted easily. I explained to him that I would need to go and retrieve Bella’s truck and would arrange it in the morning. I let Charlie know that I was going to meet Jake and Billy the next day and Charlie said that he would run me over there as he wanted to see Billy about something. I had stayed up watching football with Charlie until late, happy that he was a man of few words and didn’t expect or want me to talk to him all the time
. The rest of my night had been spent securing the window in the bedroom tightly, shutting the curtains and making sure that I had the bedroom door wide open so that any sound would be heard by Charlie.
I had slept fitfully, images of Edward and all the Cullen’s were flitting through my sub-conscious. The disturbing thing was that what ever decision I made in my dream, they always ended in some terrible way for Edward or one of the other Cullen’s or even all of them. It was me who usually caused this by pushing Edward to continue on this road with me, him getting pushed too far by my constant attempts to be with him or seduce him and ending up always with him draining my blood. I wouldn’t wake up in horror at this, I knew I deserved the gory end, what would wake me terrified was the sight of Edward being torched by robed and hooded figures, his body surrounded by flames, or Edward being ripped to shreds by a pack of huge angry wolves, tearing him apart and his beautiful face ripped beyond recognition, but not before he was forced to witness this happening to his whole family. So when I had eventually woken up it had been a blessed relief.
I knew that I wasn’t strong enough to stay close to Edward without wanting to see him, talk to him and to touch him. My body and soul was drawn to him in an inexplicable and destructive way. For both our sakes I needed to find a way home. No matter what the cost to me personally.
Charlie gave me a lift to Billy’s and I jumped out the car as I saw Jake by the garage. He looked up as I approached not able to hide the look of concern behind his eyes.
“Everything ok Kenze?” He asked me in a casual way. Though I understood that this was more than just a casual greeting.
“I’m fine Jake, thanks for asking.” Smiling at him hoping he saw my gratitude.
“Mackenzie, so you want to use the cabin?” Billy asked coming forwards with Charlie helping him across the bumps in his chair.
“Erm, if it’s ok with your friend Billy, I would love to take it on.” I agreed happily.
“Well Jakes already told you he’s agreed, so I guess these are yours.” He said smiling and handing me over a set of very old fashioned keys.
“Thank you Billy I really appreciate you sorting this for me.” I grabbed him in a hug and his face coloured but he smiled.
“You going to come in for a bit before you go?” Billy asked me.
I looked towards Jake and he nodded fractionally. “I would love to see what Jakes up to! I’m a bit of a petrol head!”
Charlie said “I’ll shout you when im going, I wont stay long.”
“Thanks Charlie, I’m in no rush.” I turned and followed Jake back to the garage.
Confined in the small space of the garage Jake seemed even bigger than he had before when he had been to see me at the Lodge.
Before I had even got the door closed properly. “So what happened?”
Without answering his question, “I’m sorry if I worried you Jake”
“That doesn’t answer my question!” The need to be honest with Jake was at war with my need to protect Edward and his family. Edward won.
“Bella’s truck broke down, and I had to walk back to a gas station. Someone had got hurt.”
For a second Jake looked like he would make something of this, and then he seemed to change his mind and accepted my explanation.
We spent the next hour just chatting and catching up, Jake offered help to do the cabin up and I offered to feed him in return!
Jake was so easy to be around, he had such a happy attitude to everything, that you couldn’t be anything but enthusiastic around him. I liked him, and I felt that he would be someone I would be able to depend on.
When it was time to leave Charlie shouted me from the drive.
I hopped down from the work bench and hugged Jake and said I would see him at the cabin at the weekend.
His huge arms wrapped around me, not seeming at all embarrassed that he was bare chested as he took the liberty of nuzzling into my neck and risked a kiss!
“Oi!” I yelped, as I pulled away, jabbing him in his perfect ribs.
“See ya Kenze!” He said laughing.
“See you Jake!” I replied, not able to hide the humour in my voice.
In Charlie's Car I chatted madly about the cabin and what I would do with it, how I would decorate it and what I would cook for Charlie, Jake and Billy when they came for a house warming meal.
Charlie stayed quiet and just made encouraging murmurs every now and then.
I glanced sheepishly towards him, but he was looking ahead and had a slight smile touching the corners of his mouth, so I continued my excited babble until we got back to Charlie's house.
As we pulled into the drive Bella’s truck was there with new tires. I made a mental note to send a thank you note to the Cullen’s and then unable to resist, I ran ahead of Charlie towards the track that would lead me to the cabin, which was to be my new home.
Although I hadn’t seen it before I knew that it would be perfect for me.
I broke through the trees into a slight clearing, and set off to the left hand side of the meadow, was the quaintest little cabin I could have imagined.
As I got closer to it I realized that it wasn’t as small as it had first appeared and would easily have been big enough for a family. The dirt road that led to it was slightly obscured by the trees, but I could hear the traffic on the road that would take me into town if I didn’t want to cut out by Charlie's place.
The old key slipped into the door easily and the door swung open with a creak, showing its lack of recent use.
An orange coloured light filtered through the windows, and showed off the array of dancing dust particles that had been disturbed by my entrance.
The mismatched furniture was worn and loved and it looked like Billy had someone in here recently clearing things in readiness for me, as there were fresh flowers in vases on the table in the kitchen and the lounge.
There was a gentle hum from the gargantuan fridge in the kitchen. I walked around touching all the surfaces as I went. It was a way for me to feel the cabin and I relished in its warm glow.
Charlie's knock on the opened door sprang me back to reality, I skipped over and opened the door wider and pulled him in. I couldn’t disguise my pleasure and Charlie said as much, “It’s ok for you then?” He said with the faintest of grins reaching his eyes.
“It’s Perfect!” I stated resolutely.
“Are you sure you’re going to be ok out here on your own?” He asked doubtfully.
“I’ll be fine,” I reassured, “anyway, if I shouted, you could probably hear me from your house! Plus I have my phone and I promise I will call if im worried about anything.”
I reminded Charlie that I had my own house back in England and he admitted that he just found it hard to think of me older than Bella, though I obviously was.
Charlie helped me move my stuff over from the lodge, and despite his attempts to get me to stay at his house for one more night, I cried off and said I just wanted to sit in the cabin and get myself settled. So after we had had dinner Charlie walked me to the meadows edge and said goodnight.
I hugged him and thanked him for all the help.
He quickly passed it off with a wave of his hand and a call of…”See you tomorrow Kenze!”
I watched Charlie disappear back through the trees and watched as I caught site of a light being switched on in his house.
Feeling suddenly very tired I went in and put the water heater on as Charlie had shown me.
I sat down on one of the big gingham sofas and looked around; a deep sigh escaped me as I relaxed for the first time in what seemed like months. I was so comfortable that I didn’t try to stop my heavy eyelids shutting down over my eyes.
“…Keep talking to her Ruby, that’s what will bring her around, hearing someone who is familiar…”
My eyes shot open and for the briefest second I wondered where I was, I expected to find Ruby sat next to me, then I recognized the cabins interior and let out a small disappointed breath.
It had gotten cold and I was too tired so I grabbed the quilt from the bed and wrapped it around myself as I sat waiting for the dawn. My mind drifted back to the gas station and Isaac, and a flash of pity hit me when I thought what Edward and Emmett would have done to him, but this only lasted a fraction of a second. As with all things Edward, my mind screamed at me for putting him in any danger and not only him but his family as well.
I couldn’t understand why fate was turning me into this troublesome person, I had always been so self reliant and capable, now I wondered if I could tie my shoes without some sort of catastrophe?!
I spent the Sunday getting my new home how I wanted it, I had a couple of visits from Charlie and Jake also gave me a call to check that everything was ok. It felt good to have my mind fixed on something ordinary and mundane, and I took great pleasure in the simple task of cleaning house!
I didn’t hear anything from Edward.
I made dinner for me and Charlie and we had spent the evening, with me catching up on some reading and he sat watching the television.
It was getting quite late when Charlie looked at his watch and saw the time.
“Geez Kenze! I’m sorry I didn’t realize I had been here so long, I better be on my way.”
He said as he gathered up his coat.
“No worries Charlie, it’s good to have the company,” I assured him.
I watched Charlie's light go on and then shut the door. I was surprised I wasn’t more worried about being in the woods on my own, but I felt some how safe in the cabin, like nothing would be able to get me.
I tidied around and switched off the T.V and the lights as I made my way to the bedroom. I glanced out the open curtain into the meadow, the trees and meadow grass had taken on a silvery sheen with the moon glow. It was as I was about to close the curtains fully, that my eyes saw something flit through the tree line. I stuck my nose up close to the window trying to get a better look at whatever was staying conveniently out of full view.
My first hopeful thought was that it was Edward coming to see me at last. Then as quickly as that happy thought hit me, then it left twice as quickly, as I felt sure that I had burned all bridges where Edward was concerned.
I looked around the dark cabin trying to find my cell phone. I finally spotted it on the kitchen table, making a dash for it, I grabbed it and found Jakes number. As it dialed I ran to the kitchen and picked up the heaviest cooking pan I could find and went back to my window. Feeling somewhat ridiculous brandishing my kitchenware I looked back out to the silvery tree line not sure if I was hoping to see something again or not.
As hard as I might I didn’t see anything, or hear anything that sounded like it shouldn’t be there. My heart beat started to return to its normal rhythm and I was berating myself for again over reacting when I definitely heard something just outside the cabin.
The shriek that came from my mouth, didn’t even sound like my own voice. I squared my shoulders bracing myself for an attack.
As the door exploded inwards I swung with all my strength, acting purely on instinct. I heard the contact of the pot against something hard and heard the thud as the huge shadowy form hit the floor. Taking the advantage I moved in to deliver another blow before the shadowy form had a chance to regain their feet, when a familiar sounding moan stopped me in my tracks.
“Kenze, what are you doing? It’s me, Jake; I heard you scream, what are you trying to do? Kill me?”
“Oh my God Jake, are you ok?” I gasped falling to his side on the floor.
“Yeah im fine!” He said more good naturedly than I deserved.
I helped him up and found the switch to the lights. Jake looked sheepishly at the door that was now on the floor. I told him not to worry we could sort it out later and that I was more concerned with checking his head. He tried to pass me off but I insisted in taking a look. He eventually lowered his hand from his head to let me examine his wound.
I ran my experienced eye and hands over his head and apart from a small fading red mark there was no evidence of the huge hit I had made to his forehead. I was of course almost expecting this but from Jakes point of view I was going to need some plausible explanation.
“Look I know this may sound crazy,” he started. “But I have this genetic thing going on… it makes my skull twice as thick as everyone else’s…”
“Yeah,” I agreed, “I think I heard of it!”
Jake looked please and relieved that he thought his deception had worked.
“Yeah where the person gets massive bone growth, really quickly…”
Jake was nodding eagerly.
“…Or it could be that you have that other genetic disorder…”
Jake waited for me to finish with a genuinely curious look on his face.
“..You know...like being a wolf and all!!” I finished triumphantly.
The look on Jakes face switched from amazement, to chagrin, to being just plain pissed. He eventually managed to splutter out, “Don’t be stupid Kenze, there’s no such thing, you’ve been reading way too many books.”
“Look Jake you don’t need to explain I know all about you and the pack.”
“You know about the pack too?” He choked out.
“Look to save time Jake, just believe me when I say that I know everything!”
He still looked suspicious, but as a testament to his good nature he just said, “OK, well before we go any further let me fix your door and then we can talk!”
I nodded to him and the next half hour I spent watching Jake put his natural skills to work as he fixed my front door back expertly.
We chatted little, and when we did, we carefully avoided the subject of myths and legends.
At last the door was back in place and Jake was deposited on the sofa with a drink in hand.
“Ok Mackenzie, I think you better tell me how you seem to know so much about my err…little quirk! And don’t say you just guessed, it’s not the sort of thing anyone just guesses…ever!”
I sat for a few seconds contemplating my answer before I spoke. I desperately needed a friend here and I needed to have someone I could confide in, so I took a deep breath and started…
“This ‘Will’ sound crazy, but I’m hoping that you’re going to be good with crazy…”
I was babbling, trying to find a way of saying the un-sayable.
“Spit it out Mackenzie.” Jacob said a bit too abruptly. Taking a final deep breath I started to explain how I had come to be so aware of what was going on.
“Look whether you believe me or not is irrelevant, but I have seen what is going to happen, at least what could happen, one possible outcome and because of it I have found out about you and the Quileute clan and the fact that you turn into wolves if the need arises and that Edward and his family are vampires and they are the reason that you have all started changing.” I said the last part very fast!
Jakes expression soured at the mention of Edward.
“And you’re ok with this?” He asked in disbelief.
I didn’t answer him but continued, “I do know that there is a real danger to everyone in Forks and around the area. But I can assure you it doesn’t come from the Cullen’s.”
Jacobs’s personal feelings were at war right there on his face.
“So you’re some kind of psychic then?” He asked with a sceptical tone in his voice.
“Please Jacob, just listen, I know about Sam and what happened with Leah and Emily, how could someone from England possibly know these things Jake unless what I was saying was the truth?”
His struggle was again evident on his face and then all of a sudden it relaxed.
“Actually,” he announced, “I’m glad you know, this makes things a lot simpler. Though I’m not sure I’m happy that you seem so accepting of the bloodsucker and his family!”
“Be nice!” I chided him, glad that we were friends again.
“Plus if what you say is true, you may be able to help us with the encroaching vamp problem we’ve got?” He said, a glint in his eye showing his enthusiasm.
“Maybe,” I answered sketchily, “I know what the events should be, but there is always an element of choice which I can’t factor in.” I answered a little doubtfully. I wasn’t prepared to put someone’s life on the line because I had read a book a few times!
I wondered if Alice with her gift had the same sort of concerns I was harbouring. This thought quickly vanished as I felt sure that Alice would probably be sure about all her decisions to act or not.
I managed to steer the conversation away from all the horrors that seemed to move freely in Forks and we talked about mundane and more common things.
I don’t know when it had happened but at sometime during the night I had fallen asleep, I woke abruptly to find that the reason I had been so un-comfortably hot was that both Jacob and I were laying on the sofa and he had one huge arm behind my neck, the other thrown over my chest, the sheer weight of his muscled forearm making it uncomfortable to breath properly and the heat that radiated off of Jakes body made it feel like I was laying on an electric blanket.
“Jake,” I whispered to him, not wanting to startle him.
“Jacob, wake up, you’re squashing me!” I said a little louder this time.
Finally the jab in the ribs woke him enough that he opened his eyelids sleepily and smiled.
“Morning Kenze!” He said with a sleepy voice.
“You’re a much prettier sight to wake up to than Billy!” He said with a smug little smile on his face. Rather than releasing me, he tightened his arms around me.
“Mm, I could get used to this!” He said as he flashed his pearly white smile at me.
Feeling like a trapped rabbit I managed to wriggle my way out of his hold and jumped to the middle of the room!
Ok he’s gorgeous but BOY! He was still only 17! Anyway I had eyes for only one!
The grin he had on his face definitely had a wolfish feel about it.
Jacob got up and said somewhat reluctantly that he should go. I hugged him and thanked him and said I would call him soon. I also assured him that should I get any of my ‘mojo’ about anything that was going to happen then I would call him straight away.
I hugged him again and watched as he ran off into the trees, his beautifully formed naked torso disappearing in a second.
When I was back indoors I searched for some notepaper and a pen and then I started to frantically note down as close as I could remember the events and the timeline of everything that had and should happen in my beloved books.
As I wrote I became more aware of the differences from my ‘delusion’ to the books. Whole events seemed to have been spun on their heads and some hadn’t even occurred. Others, like Isaac, were not in the books and it got me to thinking that perhaps I had more to do with the events that took place than what I had thought of at first.
Once I had most of the major book events scribbled on my note paper, I set about writing the events as they had appeared to me. I was shocked to see the similarities and the comparisons. The thing that slapped me in the face more than anything was that I didn’t seem to be acting as I would normally! It seemed that the old self reliant, feisty and strong willed person I was, seemed to be turning into a very different weak willed and frightened person and the longer I stayed here, where ever here was, the less of me there was going to be left to go back to.
The rest of the week went by without me really noticing it. I was too busy writing my notes and I had made a resolution to be more me like in future!
I didn’t know if Edward or any of the Cullen’s were at school as I stayed away from the cafeteria and any classes that would bring me into contact with them. On Friday evening
with doing a ‘me thing’ in mind, I put on my old runners and drove to the lodge and decided to go down the cliff walkway onto the beach for a run. My breath came a little faster as I went down the steps remembering as I did the exact place I had fallen. A faint feeling of wanting to kiss the ground came over me as both feet touched the sand!
The beach was as beautiful as I remembered it from the first time I had run there.
The birds screamed noisily into the wind from their cliff side nests trying to attract a mate. They were in direct competition to the roar of the spring waves that were relentlessly rolling in onto the beach and dragging back out to sea.
I put my iPod ear buds in my ears and turned on my music and let my feet set off running to the familiar rhythm of the song that was playing.
I relaxed totally into my run, once again enjoying the feel of the gentle ache that went through my calves as the muscles reacted to the unexpected request to move!
I ran up the beach for a couple of miles then I followed a path that took me through the woods at the edge of the reservation. I found the running easy enough as the loamy surface of the woods was easy on my legs and knees.
I stopped for a breather to get my bearings and my breath and could see the main highway into town not too far in the distance.
I decided that I would follow the path back to the road and see if I could beg a lift later on from Charlie to pick up the van.
The woods in this area seemed slightly denser which was probably why I wasn’t expecting to run suddenly out into a clearing!
My pace faltered as I took in the house that was imposing itself on the surrounding countryside. It was quite easily the most amazing house I had ever seen, and I knew instinctively who the house belonged to. My heart sank!
Hoping that I hadn’t been spotted I picked up my pace and made a dash along the driveway that would bring me out on the road again.
I was almost under cover of the trees before Alice caught me. “Mackenzie! How nice of you to visit!" She sounded gleefully from behind me.
Feeling like a kid who had just been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. I turned to apologise and explain my unplanned and unexpected arrival on their doorstep, when to my horror, as I turned I saw that Alice was not the only Cullen stood there!
Thankfully Edward wasn’t among them which disappointed me as much as left me relieved. Carlisle and Esme smiled at me and asked me in. I didn’t want to appear rude but I also didn’t want to run the risk of Edward returning and finding me in his home like some mad stalker. So I declined the offer but asked for a rain check and apologised for the seventh time for the inadvertent trespass.
But Alice seemed determined for a human house guest and though Jasper smiled at me I could see that my presence was not going to help his ongoing battle for vegetarianism!
Rosalie was off hand, like I was of absolutely no consequence to her at all. But the remaining Cullen’s insisted and I allowed myself to be led in the house by an excited Alice.
I wondered how much the Cullen’s thought I knew, or knew I knew! And I wondered what Edward had told them about me if anything. I declined their offer of a drink, thinking that they probably didn’t have anything in the house that would be suitable and I wouldn’t want to put them out.
I sat surrounded by them as they just watched me!
“You have a very beautiful home Mrs Cullen” I said to Esme.
Esme smiled at me and it felt like the sun had come out to warm me. “Well thank you Mackenzie, that’s very sweet of you. It’s a kind of hobby of mine! But please call me Esme,” She said looking towards Carlisle affectionately, "We feel like we already know you so well…It’s a shame Edward isn’t here to see you.”
I smiled nervously, “well I will see him next week at school I expect.”
“I really am sorry about running on to your property.” I said to the room in general again.
I heard Rosalie mutter loud enough for me to hear, “Yeah sure you are!”
Carlisle waved it off, “It really isn’t a problem Mackenzie, and any friend of Edwards is a friend of ours. You are welcome here anytime.” He said finally giving a hard stare in Rosalie’s direction.
“Thank you, I will keep that in mind,” looking at Rosalie I continued,” So now I know where you are, I could just pop in and visit you all the time!” I clapped my hands in mock excitement. Rosalie looked like she was about to pounce on me and rip my head off at any second, but a steadying hand on her arm from Emmett calmed her and she walked off.
Feeling triumphant I turned with a smile on my face, to be met by the others still looking at me intently.
Way to go and piss off the locals Kenze, and not only that but the local vampires!
“Edwards’s right, you’re not like any of the young people we have met before.” Carlisle stated with a question in his voice.
“Probably not,” I agreed. “I guess we may have more in common than we all thought then?” I answered him.
“Maybe so Mackenzie.” Carlisle said with a hint of intrigue in his voice. He was definitely looking at me like he would like me to be his next experiment or project!
After a moment I jumped up saying that I should be going or I would be too cold to continue my run. They all stood up in that beautiful fluid motion. I thanked them and said my goodbyes.
Esme shouted after me “We’ll let Edward know you stopped by.”
Great, I thought, that’s really going to please him. I waved and then set off. I was still grumbling as I ran down the main road to town, yet another show up to add to the list of my growing Cullen faux pas. I moved off the road slightly to allow traffic to pass me more easily and it was then that I saw the car coming towards me at high speed. It stopped just past me the engine idling. I fixed my eyes on the road ahead and decided to ignore it completely!
The silver Volvo’s wheels squealed as they did a 180 turn, then proceeded to keep parallel pace with me, but the driver never let the dark tinted windows down and never said a word.
I knew I was going to regret it but I stopped and faced the stalker Volvo.
“Is there something I can help you with?” I asked the tinted windows.
I started running again. And again the Volvo kept perfect pace with me.
“Look I’m sorry Edward,” I said stopping and turning to face the shiny vehicle once more. “I didn’t know my run would lead me to your house, I apologise. I would never have intruded on your privacy or your families for anything.”
There was still no response from the car, so with a sigh I turned back to the road and continued on running, mumbling under my breath.
“This is so far beyond fucked up!”
“You have a very colourful pattern of speech.” His honey voice caressed me from the open Volvo window.
I stopped in my tracks and turned to face him.
“Oh so you can talk when it’s to berate my bad language then?” I hissed at him crossly.
In the moment it took me to bend to peer through his car window he was stood directly behind me, so close that I could feel him. Being away from him had not numbed me to his beauty, nor had it lessened the way my body reacted to him of its own volition. My heart was beating out its own staccato quickstep. The golden eyes that I saw in my sleep were masked and not giving anything away.
Feelings of guilt combined with hurt and just a smidgen of fright and embarrassment vied for a prominent position.
Stepping back away from Edward as casually as I could, I had the uncomfortable feeling that Edward could read every thought that was hurtling through my mind. My cheeks flushed up, hoping that Edward couldn’t see what I was thinking, as at this moment it involved us being naked!
Get a grip Mackenzie, you see naked men everyday!
Yeah not like this I didn’t!!
Taking another step away from him I turned to leave again.
“You left the Lodge.” He said a little accusingly. “You didn’t tell me you were going.”
“I didn’t realise I was supposed to report in!” I snapped back at him waspishly.
I hung my head, he didn’t deserve my censure and it was true, I hadn’t told him I was moving, I had wanted to hurt him in some small way for rejecting me. Thinking about that night made my cheeks flame red again. I dropped my eyes to the ground. In an instant Edward was stood pressing himself against me. He lifted his right hand and brushed my cheek lightly. I could feel the coolness of his body through the material of both our clothes and I was dismayed when my body had its own ideas about how to react to Edward Cullen!
I gasped in a breath and watched a smile play on the edges of Edwards’s glorious mouth.
Feeling a bit annoyed that he was playing with me again, I said, “I’ve got to go Edward, I won’t get back in time other wise.”
He raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow. “Back in time for what, Mackenzie?”
“I have things I have to do, people I have to see.” I said lamely. All the while Edward didn’t take his eyes off of me and I knew if I didn’t get away from him soon, I was going to be lost forever.
“People like Jacob Black?” He asked with that same edge to his voice. I didn’t answer him, but I couldn’t stop my cheeks flaming up as I remembered waking up in Jacobs’s arms!
“You really should stay away from me Mackenzie. I’m dangerous for you to know.”
Edward said it in a matter of fact way, not a threatening way, it made me shiver, but not for the reasons Edward was hoping!
I took a step towards him. “I’m not frightened of you Edward.” Staring straight at him.
“So what did Jacob Black have to say? Nothing good I bet?” He said.
“Why should I tell you what Jake and I have been talking about? Any way, how do you know me and Jake have been talking?” I asked him accusingly. Edward managed to look a bit embarrassed, then he opened the passenger door of the Volvo and smoothly directed me to get in.
Before I had time to protest or even think of a suitable excuse, I found myself hurtling down the road in the Volvo with Edward, whose previous charm offensive had given way to a sulky silence.
I sat trying to focus on the road ahead as it hurtled towards me. I chanced a glance in Edwards’s direction, but apart from the evident breath taking beauty, I could read nothing in his expression. It was while I was wondering what was going through his head that we came a stop. I had just clocked that we had stopped moving, when Edward was out of the car, opening my door for me. He didn’t say a word. I looked around trying to see if I recognised anywhere. We were amidst huge trees on a small lane. One I was pretty sure I hadn’t seen before.
Wordlessly Edward took me by the elbow and led me into the trees along a small pathway. Well what was really more like an animal track.
Edward dragged me through the trees for what seemed like hours, but was probably more like an hour. I had stopped trying to get him to talk to me after the first 20 minutes, and the rest of the way I spent grumbling under my breath. Eventually the dense trees started to thin out and before long he stopped abruptly and turned to face me. His eyes looked distant, like he was searching for the answers to a thousand questions.
He still didn’t say anything. I refused to turn away from his stare and I set my shoulders squarely and stared right on back.
After a few minutes of staring at him I was in serious danger of asphyxiating myself, he really did take my breath away! I dragged my eyes from his and stomped very un elegantly off into the meadow. In a thick tall patch of grass I dropped myself to the floor and lay just looking up at the sky.
It was perhaps five minutes before Edwards shadow cast over me. Without waiting to be invited he sat down beside me. I sat up and hugged my legs resting my chin on my knees. I could feel Edward’s eyes on me again, it made my skin tingle like there was something on it, but it wasn’t an uncomfortable feeling, far from it, it was like little electric shocks being let off all over my body, sending pleasure signals to my brain! My mind drifted to how it felt to kiss him. I moaned in pleasure!
Oh my god, did I do that out loud?
I chanced a quick glance out of the corners of my eyes and Edward was looking directly at me with a look that was half way between pleasure and anger, it didn’t help me decide if I had verbalised my day dream!
I looked away from him quickly.
“Tell me what you’re thinking…Please.” Edward asked of me suddenly.
We had been quiet so long that the unexpected sound of his voice made me jump.
I thought for a second, “I was wondering what you brought me up here for if you weren’t going to talk to me.”
Edward grimaced slightly, even that looked good on him!
“Mackenzie, I don’t know what to do, for the first time in a long time, I don’t have a solution to a dilemma and I am very uneasy about it.” He finished finally.
“O.K.” I answered wondering if he was going to elaborate. After a few seconds I stated. “It’s me isn’t? I’m the reason you’re not happy.” I looked at him and I saw the slight widening of his pupils that told me I was right.
“Edward, I’m selfish! I have continued to put you in a terrible dilemma and I feel so bad about that. If Bella were here, she would never have behaved as I have. It’s all so awfully wrong and none of it’s your fault, its all mine. I am sorry that I threw myself at you …again… the other night…” I could feel my face flame up as I remembered how I had behaved. I was getting into my swing and the guilt and shame was really starting to flow! “…but please don’t worry I am trying to find a way to leave and then everything will be ok again.”
“What do you mean?” In an instant, Edward had moved around in front of me. He looked intense and just a bit frightening and even more beautiful and unreal to me.
“I am trying to get home Edward. I think it will be better for everyone.” I hoped the sadness that washed over me at just the thought of leaving him didn’t show on my face. I wanted to be brave for him, he needed me to be brave for him. “I know you’re worried about your family, but you won’t need to be once I’m gone. I promise I won’t tell a soul.”
Edward looked a little wary and his next question he seemed to struggle to say, “What exactly won’t you tell a soul about Mackenzie?” He had moved impossibly closer to me and his breath was sweet tasting on my lips.
“That you’re a vampire Edward, I thought we went through all this the other night?”
I said getting testy as it was making me admit again his rejection of me and of my stupidity.
Edwards face looked awash with grief and something I didn’t recognise. I put my hand out to touch his arm and he recoiled away from me.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to... I wasn’t trying to seduce you again, I learnt my lesson believe me,” Edwards face looked more aggrieved than before.
“I just hate to see you so upset.” I finished.
“You’re trying to comfort me?” He asked incredulously? “Don’t you have any self preservation skills at all Mackenzie?” He demanded of me.
“I don’t mean to make you sad Edward, I just seem to do the wrong thing when ever I’m around you. This just isn’t me!” I was frustrated and it showed in my voice.
“Mackenzie you mean to tell me that you know what I am, what my family are, and you still went into my house, with no one knowing where you were, and you went in willingly?” He sounded like he was talking to a child.
“Well not quite willingly,” I corrected, Edwards face acknowledged my reluctance, “Alice knew I was trying to avoid you and she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. She may be little but she has an iron will.” I stated.
“You were worried about seeing me?” Edwards face was looking more confused by the second.
“Of course I was, look don’t make me spell it out.” I sulked at him.
Mackenzie I have no idea what you are talking about, that’s part of the problem, if only I knew what you were thinking…”
“Its not nice to gloat,” I whined, “I understand that you don’t like me and find me hard to be around after all the horrid things I have done, but still I’ve still got a tiny bit of pride left, in fact its probably all I have left.”
Edward was silent again. He wasn’t going to make this easy for me, I could see that now. All things considered, I supposed I deserved that.
“I didn’t want to see you after I had thrown myself at you and you had pretty much ran from me screaming.” I turned away from him my face flaming up again at the thought of it and the memory of the look on his face, the disgust and horror.
“I know you don’t want me Edward, I can never be Bella, but as soon as I can figure out why I’m here then I should be able to get home, and you won’t see me again.”
I got up needing to move away from him so that I could say what I needed to say next.
“I won’t bother you any more Edward.” As I walked away from him it felt like my limbs had become like lead and each step made my heart feel heavier in my chest. Never had I felt as desperately sad as I did just then walking away from Edward. I had taken perhaps 5 steps and in a breath he was in front of me. His arms came up and stopped me by putting gentle pressure on my shoulders.
“Please, don’t go, I can’t let you go.” He almost begged.
For a second I could see the battle running through him, protector or destroyer.
“I don’t think I can live without you.” He said softly, just loud enough for me to hear.
“What are you talking about Edward?” I demanded, confused. “It’s about as much as you can bear being in the same room with me, let alone what you’re trying to get me to believe.”
“You think I don’t want you?” He asked, forcing me to look at him. My cheeks flamed again at the memory of his rejection.
“Don’t think, know.” I answered stubbornly.
“Mackenzie I want you more than any human man could want a woman.” His eyes were so compelling I couldn’t drag mine away from his.
“But when you saved me from Isaac, that night, after in the bathroom, I seduced you, you were disgusted, I could see it in your eyes Edward, don’t try to tell me I didn’t see it.”
“Yes you saw disgust,” he snarled out.
I couldn’t help choking out the smallest of gasps.
“But it was disgust in myself Mackenzie, not you, surely you could see that? I have no right to want you as I do, as any ordinary man wants a woman” It was Edwards turn to walk away from me. I reached for him, my hand closing onto his cool porcelain like hand. He moved to pull it away but for once I held firm.
“You are in danger, from me, when ever you are near me, at the moment I am in control, but I don’t know for how long, before the monster over takes me.” Horror was evident on his faultless face.
“You talk so casually of what my family are, but you seem to have missed the one main factor in all this, What we eat.”
“You feed on animals.” I stated knowingly. “Not people.” Shaking my head.
“How can you know this?” suspicion tinting his words.
“You remember me saying that we were both not what we seemed?”
“Yes I remember, I didn’t understand what you meant when you said it.” He said truthfully.”
I toyed for a second on coming clean and telling him the whole thing. But I quickly gave up on that and decided to go with the same story I had told Jacob.
“I can see how things are supposed to happen.” I blurted out quickly, shutting my eyes tightly as I said it. I waited for the laughter or the disbelief and neither came. I opened one of my eyes a fraction and saw a pondering look on Edwards face. I risked opening both my eyes.
“So you can see into the future?” he asked.
“Well not exactly,” I tried to explain the limitations.
“So you can see what should be, but there is that possibility of human choice that could change the outcome of what you see? Am I getting this right?” Edward asked politely.
“But you only see what is directly on indirectly connected to you and the people you come into contact with?”
I nodded my confirmation.
“Well that makes sense, I suppose.” He admitted. “So how much about my family do you know?” he asked genuinely curious.
“Quite a lot.” I admitted, embarrassed.
“Aren’t you scared of me? You should be” he asked in an almost silent plea.
“How can I be scared of something I love?” I answered just as quietly.
Edwards’s eyes shot to look into mine, a look of what can only be called hope resting there. “But how can you love me? I’m a monster.” He stated.
I risked touching him, hoping that he wouldn’t flinch from my touch, I cupped my hands around his face. “I loved you Edward Cullen, before I ever came to Forks. My heart has always been yours. I love you. It doesn’t matter you wont love me back, but what I am is yours.”
The look of astonishment on Edwards face brought a smile to the corners of my mouth.
“I see, however you are tragically wrong about a few things…” he said.
“I am?” I asked.
“Yes, you have no idea how deep my feelings for you are. I’ve waited so long for you, but I would have waited an eternity to hear you say that you love me.” He answered. Amazement and joy mixed up in his words.
It was Edward this time that instigated the kiss. He brought his face towards me and closed his glorious golden eyes as his cool lips lightly touched my own expectant lips. He caught my top lip between his own lips and I felt heat move outwards from his mouth to my mouth, and those little electric shocks of pleasure from earlier erupted in a profusion of sensory ecstasy. I tried to be good and keep my hands by my sides, but my body screamed out to be nearer to Edward and my hands crept up to his neck trying to hold him in place.
Reluctantly he removed my hands and himself from my grasp.
“Mackenzie, baby steps I think, I am what I am and I can never loose control. And the part of me that’s human is still a man Mackenzie and you don’t know how hard it is for me to resist you. Please understand that it’s your life I am risking by just being near you. I shall be damned for allowing you to put yourself in this danger, but I can not let you go again.”
A smug smile swept across my face and I grabbed for Edwards hand as I pulled him down to sit with me in the meadow. We sat like that for a long time until the sun started to go down and the chill wind made me shiver. I looked at my unsuitable running clothes and grimaced as the first drops of rain started to fall. I jumped up still not relinquishing my hold on Edwards hand and started to run for the trees.
Edward ran fluidly beside me, “You’re going to get pneumonia out in this.” He stated.
“I’m ok it wont take as long if we run.” I shouted back to him as the rain started to fall harder.
With that, in one quick motion Edward had swung me up behind his back, like a child would ride its parents back when its legs got tired. Not seeming to notice my extra weight on him, he set off at a terrific speed. The dark trees that I could hardly see now were a blur, but Edward ran sure footed and what had taken me an hour earlier to hike over took Edward a matter of a minute or two.
We fell into the dryness of the Volvo and Edward started the car and switched the heater on full for me.
We fell into silence again, once in the car. This time it was a silence filled with wonder. My eyes strayed constantly to Edwards’s eyes, and he appeared to be looking at me more than at the road. Even this didn’t bother me. Edward said he cared about me!
All too soon we were parked by my truck, a thought suddenly hit me.
“I thought you weren’t supposed to go onto the reservation?” worry making my voice wobble.
Edward looked impressed. “You weren’t kidding when you said you knew quite a lot!”
“Sorry!” I automatically replied. “No,” he said grasping my hands, “It’s good to know that I don’t have to hide things from you, I’m the one who is sorry.” He released my hand and gently brushed my cheek, as he had done once before. The fire immediately lit in the pit of my stomach from his touch, and he must has sensed it because he dropped his hand and moved back fractionally to allow me to gather my thoughts and coherence.
“This isn’t Quileute ground. That starts on the other side of the lodge. It’s a good job you were this side of the trail when you fell, not the other, I wouldn’t have been able to get to you if that had been the case.” He said in a matter of fact way but his face looked troubled.
So he had been there when I fell. At least I remembered something!
“I’ll follow you back home.” Edward said to my unasked question.
“Ok.” I said feeling lost the moment he closed the truck door on me and got back into his own car. I drove the now familiar roads back to the cabin and kept a watchful eye on Edwards Volvo behind me. It was dark by the time we got there. I felt a warm sense of homecoming as I got out the truck, Edward was walking around the cabin, with a look that could only be described as a cross between anger and disgust.
I went ahead into the cabin and threw the switches on the lights, leaving the door open for Edward I ran through to the kitchen and put the kettle on the stove. I felt the slight move in the air as Edward joined me. I turned smiling at him. My heart did great big flip flops just at the sight of him. Shivers ran through the whole of my body at his proximity and he miss-read these saying, “You need to change out of those wet clothes, or else I will be taking you back to see my father again!”
I didn’t bother to argue with him, and in truth I was freezing, so I went wordlessly into the bathroom and ran myself a shower. The water was as hot as I could stand it, my whole body was pink and was surrounded by the aroma of coconuts by the time I finished!
I found a string vest tee and pj bottoms and slipped my feet into my bunny slippers. After brushing my teeth and dragging the comb through my hair, I went back out to make a drink. Edward turned as I walked over to him. “So are you going to tell me why Jacob Black was lounging on your couch?” Edwards’s eyebrows were raised and he was smiling but there was a hint of steel in his eyes that his smile didn’t reach.
“He came to visit me the other night, and ended up breaking down my front door!” I could hear the annoyance in my voice.
Edward was outraged. “He did what? Did he hurt you?”
“No of course he didn’t, he heard me scream,” I admitted trying to hide my embarrassment, “and knocked the door through thinking I was in trouble!”
Edwards face relaxed a little and he stopped pacing the floor. “What was he doing lurking around anyway?” he wanted to know.
“That’s exactly what I said to him,” I agreed, “serves him right, it was lucky for him it was only the 2 litre pan that I hit him with!”
“Wait a second, you hit Jacob Black with a sauce pan?” Edward asked smiling widely.
“Well I didn’t know who he was, the lights were out and well I hadn’t seen you, so I felt pretty confident it wasn’t you either.”
Edwards smile disappeared, “I’m sorry I left you alone. I won’t let it happen again.”
Taking advantage, I moved myself and wrapped my arms around Edward’s neck.
“I wasn’t intending on letting you.” I said as I quickly brushed my lips over his and then immediately withdrew.
I hadn’t been sure if Edward reacted to my blood the way he had with Bella’s until today and I really didn’t want to cause him any more pain than I had done already.
I sat down on the sofa and held my hand out for Edward to join me. He sat and couldn’t hide the look of distaste on his face.
“What’s wrong Edward?” I asked concerned.
“You really shouldn’t let the mutt on the couch you know!” he said as he made a big thing of sniffing the air.
“Be nice?” I asked him.
“How could I deny you anything Kenzie? I will be good I promise. Plus I am happy that you have someone else looking out for you as well as me, it makes me feel like you may get through the day with out some major disaster happening to you.”
I let my eyes close as I snuggled into Edwards’s side. It was an odd feeling, there was no body heat coming from him, but my body tingled with its own heating system just being beside him.
I recollect thinking before I slipped into sleep that though I was sorry for Bella, all was fair in love and war!